Multiversing with Harems
by Shadenight123
Summary: Crack-Fic with a serious undertone first and foremost. Naruto Uzumaki has a pairing per story in all of fanfiction-net. What if the daughters of those pairings decided to convince the Canon Naruto to marry their Canon mother's counterparts? Not to be taken seriously. 'Gender-bending' implied with the characters. Light-hearted.
1. Naruto and the Girls

Multiversing with Harems

Summary: Crack-Fic with a serious undertone first and foremost. Naruto Uzumaki has a pairing per story in all of fanfiction-net. What if the _daughters_ of those pairings decided to convince the Canon Naruto to marry their Canon mother's counterparts? Not to be taken seriously. 'Gender-bending' implied with the characters. Light-Hearted.

_Chapter One_

Naruto Uzumaki, age sixteen, was walking through Konohagakure no Sato with a bright smile on his face. The sun was high in the sky, the birds chirped, and he had brought home Sasuke and ended the shinobi war. Everything was fine and peace had finally descended on the shinobi world. As he walked towards Ichiraku ramen, blond twin-tails caught his attention.

More than just blond twin-tails, it was the heartwarming and soul melting gaze of a cute eight years old girl with whisker marks, staring with her bright blue eyes around and looking lost. She was probably already on the verge of crying, and just to add to her 'Kawai-ness' she even held a stuffed fox within her arms.

He just couldn't resist.

He smiled brightly as he jumped closer to her.

"Are you lost 'ttebayo?"

The next instant, the girl turned around and smiled brightly. He always had that effect on kids: he was the hero of the shinobi war, the defeater of Pain, the bringer of peace in the world…

"Daddy!"

The girl's father...

Wait.

_**What!?**_

The blond missile had already pounced on him however, tightly grabbing a hold of his chest and snuggling against it as if her life depended on it.

"Daddy I found you!" the girl brightly exclaimed, her eyes shining and her smile blinding.

"Ehm, ahah…are you…sure?" he chuckled nervously. The girl did hold some sort of resemblance to his old perverted Henge, but he was sure one of his clones would have warned him…if he ever actually remembered one of them being able to get pregnant.

Not that he had tried.

It…it was just not done.

How much of a narcissist one had to be to do something like that?

"Where's mommy?" the girl asked, "Did you two fight again?"

"I don't think—" but he was cut short as a heavy stone hit him on the back of the head, sending him sprawling on the ground.

"Hentai!" A female and raucous voice exclaimed, pointing at him. "Let go of my sister, you perverted pedophile!"

He flinched as he placed his left hand over the bump that was slowly inflaming and forming on the back of his head. As he turned around to say something to the girl he stopped dead short.

There was a raven haired beauty, with a tall and feminine frame and a Konohagakure forehead protector. Sporting a one-tomoe sharingan and a pair of whisker marks, the figure was some sort of mish-mash of both his and…and Sasuke's features. He suddenly felt dirty within. He didn't know why, but the sheer image was enough to make him die inside, completely and utterly without any chance of survival of whatever.

The girl looked at him for a moment before suddenly deactivating her sharingan, to reveal blue eyes. The gaze went down immediately, as with a flustered and embarrassed tone she began to speak.

"Ah…I'm…I'm sorry, Otou-sama. It won't…It won't happen again."

Otou-_sama_?

The civilian crowd of Konoha didn't even stop to look at what was going on. They were used to Sakura actually hitting him once a day, so it was to no surprise that even the call of 'pedophile' got little more than a casual glance in his direction.

"Onee-sama! She's sorry dad, really: don't punish her." A squeaky voice remarked from his side. He froze on the spot, he didn't want to turn, because if he did and he saw what he believed he was seeing, he didn't guarantee for his sanity.

He turned in the end and looked.

There was an extremely red, extremely embarrassed, extremely _tiny and precocious _girl with purple hair and blue eyes, wearing a fishnet shirt and an extremely short skirt that she seemed to be pushing down as much as possible to cover herself. She had whisker marks on her face, albeit there were light scars on them, as if somebody had meticulously tried to grate them away.

She too was sporting a forehead protector of Konohagakure, but this one appeared to have been badly treated.

The last voice he heard came from up above, leaned against the walls of the nearby building. He sighed in relief; the tell-tale silver shine of the hair could only belong to Kakashi-sensei. The man would know what to do. The next moment, the silver-haired shinobi, whom the glare of the sun had prevented him from seeing in full, fell down behind him and wrapped its arms around his neck.

He froze once more.

A sultry, clearly female, voice whispered to his ears.

"Dad, I _missed_ you so much…" And the twin flesh mounds that seemed to rival Tsunade's that pressed against his back? Those too were too much to handle.

His brain decided there and then, as the pig-tailed blond-haired child pouted and whined about being held a bit too tightly, that a shutdown was imminent and needed.

Not only that, but that he would never —ever— look at Kakashi-sensei or Sasuke ever again.

In any way.

Or form.

Or type.

**Author's notes**

**This crack-fic came to me in a moment of 'mind walking around and smoking stuff'.**

**We have canon Naruto.**

**He suddenly ends up on the receiving end of his daughters from other universes…universes where things are different and where the 'males' are somehow 'females'. I personally shudder. Naruto shudders too.**

**This isn't to be taken seriously. The number of words per chapter will probably be a dead give-away.**

**This also warns my fair readers that a more serious Naruto story is cooking in the oven. The one coming isn't OC at all, but that's as much as I'm going to say for the moment.**

**Take 'this' story light-heartedly, but with a pinch of salt. Remember who is writing.**


	2. Naruto and Even More Girls

Multiversing with Harems

_Chapter Two_.

Naruto slowly opened his eyes. He was sitting with his back on the couch of the Hokage's office, and with an unfamiliar weight settled on his lap. He instinctively touched the weight, which seemed to twitch and moan slowly. He looked down on the weight and blinked, now fully awake. The pig-tailed and blond-haired girl was snoring softly, snuggling close against his chest while holding her stuffed fox nearby.

He blinked again, before turning his gaze to where Baa-chan was supposed to be, only to find the seat empty. Well, not exactly empty considering there was a raven haired girl with bright blue eyes and a motherly face stamping out documents to the sides of the desk. She was wearing some sort of bandage dress, and he would have mistaken her for the sensei of team eight, if only she wasn't younger and with a now all too familiar whisker set on her face.

On the other side a Kumogakure shinobi with blond hair tied in a loose single pony-tail was instead squaring off with her pile of paperwork. Differently from the first, the second was struggling with it. She not only sported his whisker marks, but also polished and slightly elongated nails as well as dark eyes. Her face was sterner too, and her death glare could probably shrivel up even Maito Gai.

"Honorable father woke up." A third voice spoke gently, as Naruto turned his gaze to the source. Near the door of the office a dark blue haired girl, with a pretty impressive rack, stood dressed in a kimono. She had the tell-tale eyes of the Hyuga, but the whisker marks on her face? Those clearly displayed her, once more, as one of his children.

He shuddered slightly as he felt the eight year old on his lap stir and whine slightly, before the little girl blinked her own eyes open to stare at him.

"Daddy!" The girl smiled warmly at him, "You're still sleepy?" She asked with a worried look.

"Ehm…No, I'm fine 'ttebayo, where's Baa-chan?" He found himself asking, only for the mother-faced girl to reply.

"Granny Tsunade has gone out to drink herself beneath the table, I'm afraid." She sounded contrite. "She barely regularized our position, and told us to head off to the Uchiha's compound once done."

"Uh? Why is that?" He asked back perplexed.

"Really father," the stern-faced girl snorted, "we should be going to Kumo, rather than stay here and waste our time. How you managed to nick mother is something I'll never understand, but staying in Konoha—"

"Shut it, you grumbling kitty." The kimono-girl smiled gently as she scathingly retorted to the stern-faced girl. "Father should go and meet with mother, who is certainly awaiting him earnestly."

A loud rumbling noise was heard in the far off distance. Naruto blinked, but said nothing for the moment.

"I think father should decide," the motherly-faced girl commented. "Right, dad?" She added, looking at him with a kind smile. Of course he did sort of believe the girl held a truly angelic visage, one that would—

"Kai." The Kimono girl snapped; her right hand was on his shoulder now.

"Narenai, stop it." The Kumogakure kunoichi snapped. "Weren't you just saying how father should decide?"

The girl, 'Narenai' huffed while crossing her arms around her chest. What sort of name was Narenai to begin with?

"Oh, right! I'm Nagito." The pony-tailed blond remarked. "The little minx on your lap is Naruko, while Yakuza wife there is Nanata."

"All with Na?" He chuckled nervously back. It wasn't as if they were trying to tell him something now, was it? This was a dream, he was sure of it.

"You already met Nasuko, Nakasho and Nanko." The 'Yakuza-wife' Nanata remarked. "We decided that our real names were meaningless, and so we merged your name with that of our mothers."

He gulped down nervously.

"I see…where is Baa-chan again?"

"She's drinking with Nanade and Nazune."

"Nanade…and Nazune?" He paled slightly. Nade…Zune…Tsunade and Shizune? He felt the bile start to rise. Baa-chan was old! She was nearly as old as Jiji! There was just no way! None! Even Shizune was old, as old as hell! There was…

_Meanwhile, in a bar nearby…_

"My Naruto-insult senses are tingling!" Tsunade roared, standing up bewildered.

"Kaa-san it's nothing!" Nanade remarked, her face completely red as she displayed a flat chest filled with two green watermelons. Her hair, tied in blond pigtails, was as blond as that of her mother. She also had a diamond mark on her forehead, and her honey-brown eyes made her look every bit like Tsunade as possible…except for the whisker marks. She also had a wide cloak colored orange, with the word 'Lucky' on it.

"I can't believe my other self!" Shizune wailed, being a sad drunk. "Naruto-kun is too young!"

"You always said that he was your toy-boy, mom." Nazune pointed out, taking a heavy swig of sake herself. "You nearly brought down the house with all your screaming once."

"Oh Kami I want to die…" Shizune cried again.

"There was that time you actually used Tonton to…"

"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" With that screeching shriek, Tsunade's assistant ran out in tears.

"Mom! Wait!" Nazune followed soon afterwards. Her hair was dark and held like her mothers, but her eyes were the striking blue of her father with her face sporting the whisker marks. She was wearing the same orange jacket her 'father' wore, only with longer sleeves.

_At the same time, in a familiar BBQ…_

"Troublesome." Shikamaru Nara remarked dryly, staring into the same 'troublesome' eyes of a girl that seemed having come out from nowhere. The pineapple shaped blond haired kunoichi had dark eyes, like his, the sort of softer face similar to his mother, and had whisker marks to complete the set. She was also in a loose pajama, one that resembled a deer costume.

"Troublesome." She muttered back, yawning before flipping down on the table and falling asleep. "I'm Namaru." She mumbled, "Take care of me, mommy."

"Shikamaru!?" Ino's wordless and open-mouthed state soon ended, especially when a sort of 'clone' of her stopped hugging her. The girl, with spiky golden hair, and a face that gave her a sort of tomboyish grin, had a knocked out tooth and a soccer ball in her hand. She was wearing loose shorts and a Konoha dark green shirt, but mostly it her name that struck a chord.

"I'm Narino!"

Chouji wasn't faring any better.

Some sort of extremely lithe and frail looking girl, with his same orange hair, was looking at him with a gaze of sheer disgust.

The girl was wearing a sunflower dress, and while she held her nearly skeletal hands crossed over her chest, she huffed in displeasure.

"No matter where I go, always a fat-ass my mother is." She grumbled. "I'm Naruji, whale of a mother.

_Back to Naruto…_

"So…you decided…to take a trip…to convince me…to marry your respective mothers?" He commented, at the sight of the Yakuza-wife nodding with a bright smile.

"Yes, father dearest."

"Who is Naruko's…"

"You had a twin sister." To those words, Naruto felt the need to belch. Naruko looked at him with a sad gaze however, and he couldn't help but feel a bit…guilty, about having overreacted that much.

"So…you're going to stay around until I choose one?"

"Yes!" Nanata smiled, "Of course since fair is fair we wrote letters to all of your other potential wives to come to Konoha on a visit!"

"I don't even want to know if there's a jutsu for that…but what about, you know the male counterparts? I am not going to bed Sasuke, or Chouji, or another male, I mean, _**NO**_!"

Nanata giggled softly.

"Do not worry! We have a Jutsu for that too!"

"Is your answer 'only' jutsu?"

"Well father, you taught us that 'as long as you have a shitload of chakra, everything is possible'." Nagito remarked. "Of course there is a jutsu for that too."

"And what about the dead people!? I mean…Yugito Nii is dead here!"

Nagito merely shrugged.

"They're back and alive now."

"But…But…" Naruto frowned, shaking his head strongly. "Why?"

"Shit and giggles." Narenai nodded sagely.

"Not in front of the kid!" Naruto hissed, clamping both hands to keep the innocent Naruko out of her…big sisters…swear words.

"And I mean, it's tiresome having people fight over who would be the best pairing. So instead, this is about who is the best daughter, 'ttebayo!" Nanata turned crimson at the word 'ttebayo, and slowly got down on her knees and closed her eyes.

"I am deeply ashamed." She unfastened her kimono as she took out a knife from her sleeve. "I will now commit Seppu—"

"No!" Naruko flung herself to stop the girl, who instead merely screeched back.

"I have dishonored my honorable mother 'ttebayo! I have to commit…again I have! Oh woeful me! Once more! I will commit seppuku thrice then, 'ttebayo!"

"You can't kill yourself three times, meat lumps." Nagito mumbled, before coyly smiling and sitting down on Naruto's lap. "Daddy! I missed you so much!" She then proceeded to hug him. "Let's go to Kumo and leave all these Konoha whores behind, all right?"

"Ehi!"

The next moment, Narenai charged at Nagito, and as the two scuffled, Naruto found himself standing up and trying to break off the fight.

Both girls suddenly hit him in the face, sending him to sprawl back on the ground just as Naruko had gotten the seppuku knife away from Nanata. The knife flew in the air spinning, before landing with a solid thunk straight between the legs of Naruto.

Naruto stared without blinking at the scene…

And then he promptly fainted.

**Author's notes**

**Name of 'daughters' revealed. This is mostly silly/crackish/slapstick. There are no 'heavy' undertones of anything. Although some 'daughters' have problems, they do not play a 'major' role. You just wait until 'Nashina' and 'Nanato' make their appearance…ahahahahaha**

**The names are placed like that because 1) Thinking 'oc' names for everyone is a hassle. This is a 'easy to write' fic to get a laugh every now and then. 2) It makes it easier to track down who is the daughter of who even for the reader.**

**Of course Naruto-canon is Hetero, thus the reason he is completely against a 'change-sex' jutsu. (and there is a 'jab' at the various jutsu-invented by other authors that can do anything 'but they're only for high chakra users, so they're not really all that powerful') There is also a breaking of the Fourth wall too. The 'they're back alive now' and similar is just because the story is, precisely as said before, light-hearted, easy to write/read and with little to no intention of 'seriousness' intended. **

**There is going to be NO display of lemons of whatever type. **

**That's all for the moment.**


	3. SC, Aka Serious Chapter

Multiversing with Harems

_Chapter Three._

Naruto was quietly tiptoeing his way out of the mysterious mansion he had ended up waking in, when a small cough caught his attention. The night sky was covered with clouds, making it a perfect escape night. He blinked as he turned around cautiously, his gaze meeting with that of…

Nasuko.

The girl had her arms crossed in front of her chest, and her single tomoed sharingan was blaring at him with an angry scowl to add to the overall intimidating effect.

"Father, where are you going?" She asked, her right foot tapping on the ground like a mother waiting to scold their child.

"Ehm…Out?" He replied. "Only going to take a walk 'ttebayo."

"You won't try and run for another country, right?" Nasuko pressed on, taking a few steps forward. The girl seemed to be gently smiling, albeit it looked more like Sasuke's smirk rather than an actual 'honestly, I'm happy' smile.

"Who, me? No! Never!" Naruto hastily remarked, shaking his head and arms together for added effect.

"Then you won't mind promising?" Nasuko added, "That you'll be back before sunrise?"

He blinked, before sighing. "I promise." Of course if the girl was his daughter, then it was obvious she'd know he was not one to go against his own word.

"Good! I'm coming with you then!" The…the Uzumaki-Uchiha girl chirped, before crossing the distance between the two of them in a second and linking his arm with hers. Her chest playfully pressed against his arm, he widened his eyes in surprise. "I missed you, father."

"Oh, well, 'ttebayo?" he nervously chuckled as he scratched his chin with his right index finger. Nasuko said nothing, merely keeping up her smiling face as they walked outside, into Konoha's alleys and roads. Naruto remained silent for a while, his thoughts in disarray. The girl was nice, but she also was one of his —possible or probable— daughters. Of course this one would never see the light of the day.

The thought made him wince. Maybe the girl knew, and maybe that was the reason she was now holding on to him, making a small and sad smile as they walked into the park.

"You always brought me here, when mom was too busy to care for me." Nasuko whispered with her eyes sad. "You know, the only time she actually cared for me was when I awakened my sharingan."

"Oh, right." Naruto replied, uncomfortable at the serious tone of Nasuko. "I—"

"You were a good dad, really." The girl suddenly blurted out. "You always smiled. I never saw you do anything else but smile…" She murmured, her tone reaching a certain level of sadness that was now making Naruto frown. He 'was' a good dad?

"What happened to my other self?" he asked.

"You committed suicide." She replied truthfully. "Mother took everything you had, even your dreams, even me, and then left you when you had nothing more to give." She turned her gaze downwards. "It was my fault."

He blinked. "Are you su—"

"I know!" She basically screamed at him, her one-tomoed sharingan actually morphing into the Mangekyou, with blood oozing down her eyes as she did so. "I know." She sobbed, her body wracked with guilt as she trembled. "You were laughing, like always, and I couldn't stand it. You never fought mother, you never said you were unhappy —I told you I hated you for being so weak, so gullible and so stupid— and you kept on smiling, said you'd solve the problem…and then you sliced your own throat that night. _I killed you_ and…and I'll never forgive me for that."

Naruto stared at the girl in surprise. What had that coward of his 'other-self' done? He widened his eyes as he saw the tears of blood falling down the girl's cheeks.

So he did the only thing he could think of.

He hugged her.

**Author's notes**

'**Serious' issue for one character. Let's see how many serious ones I can bring up while placing the comedy side back up in the next one.**


	4. Of Cherries and Leechers

Multiversing with Harems

_Chapter Four._

Naruto had barely managed to catch a wink of sleep, what with everything that he had been told by one of his daughters. He couldn't believe his other-self had taken the way out, but that was certainly what his daughter, Nasuko, believed. She had even activated the Mangekyou after that.

Grimly, he finally managed a good look around the mysterious mansion. The symbol of the Uchiha fan was painted on the thin paper walls, and that made him uneasy for some reason. In another dimension, this was Nasuko's and his home together with…a female Sasuke. He shuddered.

Sasuke as Hokage? Yeah, that would be a gut punch for his other self. It wouldn't be the end though, and he felt it: putting himself in somebody else's shoes, when that somebody was _you_, wasn't really all that difficult. He wouldn't commit suicide if Sasuke became Hokage…but what if he went with Sakura and the girl became Hokage, and their daughter then hated him? For one thing, he knew Sakura wouldn't actually love him back enough to marry him: the lack of a Nakura going around was—

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knocking on the door.

"Ano, Otou-san? Are you awake?" The soft spoken voice was new to his ears. His heart somehow began to thump. It couldn't be that there actually was a Nakura around now, could it? But then again there was something as horrid as a Nakashi, so why not a Nakura?

"I am." He replied, the feeling of uneasiness not leaving him as the door slid open easily. His breath hitched. The piercing blue gaze of his eyes, with the pronounced whisker marks, was melded together with the pink hair and the soft lineaments of Sakura. The Konoha forehead protector stood hanging loosely on her right arm, and as the girl fiddled with it with pure embarrassment, he felt his heart twitch. She was wearing a light brown skirt with floral motifs of cherry blossoms, and a red chinese-like dress that was also sleeveless and contrasted her soft pink skin.

She looked so…so _scrawny_ and with the way she was biting her lower lip in anxiousness was just so…so strange.

He had never been anxious or afraid. This had to be Sakura's side, probably before she had met with Ino. He had been there, watching the girl crying and trying to decide to cheer her up or not: of course Sakura then met Ino. He never met anyone.

So this was probably how their daughter would turn out.

"Nakura?" He asked, albeit the name sounded so wrong to his ears now.

"Hai, Otou-san." She replied, smiling with such a warm smile that for a brief moment he actually feared he was going to become a pedophile. The moment passed, and the girl slowly walked inside, before settling on his lap.

He frowned at that, especially when the girl began to rub herself against his chest with a longing gaze.

"Otou-san," she whispered to his ear before…nibbling it?

"Ehm, what are—"

"Otou-san," she moaned, "When are you going to take your stiff, big—"

He pushed her away and jumped on his feet, while exclaiming.

"_What the hell_!?"

Nakura merely pouted, now on the floor with her legs strangely open in a most revealing position, to display her white panties, while at the same time showing a more mischievous face.

"No fun!" She muttered, "Jiraiya-jiji's Icha Icha Forbidden Fruit was meant to be a success!" She whined, as she slowly got back on her feet and smiled, this time saucily. "Worry not daddy! Without mother around I'll get your heart: you can count on it 'ttebayo!" And then the girl _winked_ at him, before running out of the room giggling like a madwoman.

To say Naruto couldn't compute what had just happened was to claim the sea wet.

"Argh, dammit!" Another voice, this one strangely familiar to his ears, reached him. He turned his gaze and was met with something he truly, _truly_, had no desire to even believe in.

A white haired girl, whose hair was held in a sort of crop style, albeit it also was as spiky as that of the deceased Jiraiya, stood on the windowsill. The girl had a lecherous face on her and was currently holding a notebook in her hands, where she was scrambling notes on.

He actually turned slightly green when he realized that the girl's chest was sort of rivaling that of Tsunade, but if there was some doubt on whose daughter she was, it was all removed once the whisker marks and the blue eyes came into view.

"Ehi there pops! I'm Naraiya!"

Naruto absolutely did not scream like a girl as he dashed out of the house with such a speed he left a line of fire behind him.

He absolutely didn't.

He was just reaching the ultrasounds frequency while he ran, that was the reason it seemed as if he was girlishly screaming as he ran.

Really.

Naruto Uzumaki did not scream like a girl.

**Author's notes**

**Light-Hearted chapter is back. With new girls.**

**XD**


	5. Sweet Ramen and YouthS!

Multiversing with Harems

_Chapter Five._

He stopped running after a good half an hour. His eyes blinked as he realized he had been running towards Ichiraku's, as his instincts had kicked in reminding him of his lack of dinner and breakfast. He calmly walked inside, after making sure the coast was clear of other 'surprises' like, Na-dog or Na-Postman, or Na-horrendous evildoer he truly didn't want to meet.

So as he entered, he gave out a sigh of relief. Ayame was humming and cooking nicely, her back to him, while Teuchi was taking orders. He truly hoped there was no Naruchi out there, because he'd rather start to wonder just what the world his other self was thinking if there was.

It had to be rape, clearly. Some of his other selves had to either be rapists or possess a twisted sense of what was right. Or maybe he had been the one raped. Were some of his daughters nothing more rape-children? He shuddered at the thought of a female Jiraiya bedding him. The thought was starting to turn him green.

How could that even happen? He knew the old shinobi was a pervert, but to go as far as rape his own student? He actually sweat-dropped at that. A female Jiraiya could have possibly used the same Genjutsu that Tsunade-Baachan used, and if he had done that and kept quiet on -his? Hers?- age then it was possible.

He didn't have to like it.

Teuchi actually looked at him with a slight grin that foreboded something harmful, but he didn't mind that. His tab was paid, so there was little to nothing that could—

It was as Ayame came out from the back and looked at him with shock, that he realized that the girl cooking ramen wasn't Teuchi's daughter.

"Naruto!" Ayame blurted out, placing both hands on her hips. "It's been a while."

The other chestnut haired girl turned, and Naruto couldn't help but admit that yes, the dark eyes belonged to Ayame, but the whisker marks were his. The girl was wearing the same outfit as the Ichiraku's woman, and was some sort of younger clone with a slightly 'Naruko'-esque face.

"Nayame?" he hesitated as he asked the question, but was rewarded when the girl nodded brightly.

"Yes daddy!" She smiled, stirring the pot. "You want your usual dad? Maybe you can take some time out, mom? So you and dad can get better acquainted?" as she suggested that, the girl deftly removed with shinobi-movements the apron from Ayame.

"You know Jiji's rules: no apron, no cooking!" As she sing-sung that, she literally pushed the flustered woman out of the stall and on the empty spot next to Naruto.

"And now, Pork Ramen with extra Pork coming right up, together with Diet Ramen!" And with a showcasing of 'flexing' muscles the girl returned to her cooking activities with a nice and loud whistling.

Naruto's fight or flight senses were actually spinning towards the third option in that moment: stay. Ayame wasn't that much older than him, she could cook and he actually didn't seem to see anything horrendous, horrible or otherwise scandalous in his daughter in question.

Of course the fact that Teuchi was slowly sharpening his blades was taken into accounts, but he supposed he could get away in time if he began throwing them.

"Naruto-kun," Ayame blushed slightly, "Is she…"

"Yeah," he replied embarrassedly. "She's ours."

"Oh."

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence, albeit the mood seemed to be working in favor of the 'couple'. Ayame's eyes looked at his, and then to their daughter's back. He looked at the woman, and then to the back of his daughter. There was some sort of slight warmth radiating…but that lasted until Naruto decided to add.

"She's not the only one." As soon as he said that, a cart filled with ceramic dishes crashed in the nearby alley, the sound actually showcasing how the 'mood' had been thoroughly killed.

"What?" Ayame asked, sweetly smiling.

"Well, apparently there's one for every girl I met." He replied, "And one for every man too." He shuddered then. "I'm actually thankful there isn't a Naruchi...I have my limits too."

"We debated bringing her too." Nayame suddenly piped him, completely unaware of the dead mood that was slowly morphing to horror, the gothic-horror type similar to 'shining' and 'don't open that door' and 'It' that Naruto was now feeling. "Then we thought that some of the others were already heavy as they were…adding one more like that might be too much of a shock."

"One more…like that…" Naruto parroted, his brain standing up, looking around in his empty skull and then screaming out loud.

"_**I QUIT. I GO ON VACATION NOW!**_"

"Well, duh." Nayame rolled her eyes. "We also couldn't bring our mothers. We had a shitload of chakra, but even shitloads of chakra have their limits."

"Language!" Ayame chided in suddenly. "Who taught you to speak like that!?"

"Dad of course!" Nayame replied sweetly, and completely unaware that Naruto was slowly inching towards the exit of the stall.

"I'm not hungry anymore! See ya! Bye! Gotta go—" And he was gone.

Tears streaked Naruto's face as he realized that nowhere was safe.

He needed a safe spot: anywhere one of his other selves would never —ever— think about going to eat.

He needed a safe haven. A place where no man or woman could be charmed by his beautiful looks.

He had no choice.

He was about to head over to the sacred mountain of the toads, when something green and fast passed by him. Twice.

"Yosh!" The female voice number one exclaimed.

"YATTA!" The female voice number two yelled.

"Oh fuck no." Naruto sighed, slumping down his shoulders as he closed his eyes. If he did that, he could ignore the nightmare. If he did that, he could believe all of this a dream that would go away soon.

"Yosh! If father doesn't open his eyes to stare at our exuberating youthfulness we will run around Konoha on our hands five hundred times, Narock!"

"Yatta Naraito! And if father doesn't look at us with youth we will climb the Hokage Mountain with only our pink fingers two hundred times!"

Naruto took a deep breath, and then slowly, his eyes still close, he inched backwards until his back was against the wall. He then turned his face to press against the wall of the building, and moved across it until he reached for the closest alleyway. He then opened his eyes and dashed forward, running away from the sheer horrendous thoughts that were yelling 'YOSH' at the top of their voices.

"Enough." He muttered. "Enough for today." He pleaded as he straightforwardly entered the only place he knew he would never go willingly.

A tofu shop.

The moment he was in, a quick Henge made him into bulky looking tanned man, with thick moustaches and a leather trench coat. He wore sunglasses with the Henge, and baggy trousers. He heavily sat down in the furthest away corner and with that, he prepared himself to a life of misery and Tofus as he brought his hands to his face.

How could his other selves do that?

How could they stoop so low?

How could they…how could they do those things!?

There had to be rape-pills involved, concerning him of course. There was just no way he would have ever remotely gone with a female Maito Gai. No matter what, he had _**STANDARDS**_.

Bemoaning his fate, he slowly began to flick through the pages of the menu of the restaurant…

Hoping, but knowing all too well, that his daughters weren't done coming around.

**Author's notes**

**More daughters. I'm making them arrive a few at the time, and scenes won't hold all of them together (Messy otherwise)**

…**I actually don't know if I could stomach a Naruzen or a Naruchi (Naru-teuchi)…**


	6. SC) Milky Eyes and Quiet Goodbyes

Multiversing with Harems

_Chapter Six._

The Tofu tasted of nothing. It should have held some sort of taste, at least something that warranted calling it food, but it didn't. To his tongue it was as bland as bland could be. Yet he was still happily eating it, thankful that there were no Nar-something going around the Tofu shop. Once eaten, he grabbed his toad-like wallet and paid for the food, before heading outside. Maybe he could go out of the village for a walk.

He had barely taken a step that a quiet girl began to walk next to him, soon followed by another. Both of them looked like Hyuga, at least their eyes held the milky white color so typical of that clan. They both looked down on the ground however, one slightly taller and older than the other. The oldest one had dark brown hair, tied in a braid that reached till her shoulders.

The girl was wearing loose white robes, with a chuunin flak vest that pressed against her breasts. She seemed to hold a slightly oval face, but he could bet the nose was of the mother, whoever she was. The other girl was instead smaller, with dark blue hair and a petite and lithe frame. She was wearing a Jounin vest, rather than a Chuunin one. Both had the Hyuga's seal branded on the forehead…and both seemed to be content just by walking with him by their side, but while the tallest had a green colored seal, the youngest had a light blue one.

Naruto felt bad. He had kept on running from his daughters, because some of them were indeed the product of horrible pairings, but…that didn't make them any less human. The two girls seemed the silent type, but as Hyugas he didn't expect anything less…

"So," he hesitated as he began to speak. "What do you like doing in your free time?"

"Training." They both repeated at the same moment. The two girls then blinked at one another, before muttering in a serious tone. "Psych."

Naruto blinked in surprise at that, before a small smile spread on his lips.

"So…let's see…" he turned thoughtful. "I know only two other Hyugas near my age: one of you is Nareji, and the other is Nanabi."

"Correct, father." The taller one said with a nod. "I'm Nareji, and she is Nanabi. We're half-sisters."

"Half-sisters?" he asked, perplexed.

Nareji grimly nodded, but said nothing else. He grimaced and then turned to look at the Chibi-Jounin.

"How did you get to Jounin so young?"

"Oh? Mom had expectations." She began, her eyes drifting to the side as her cheeks blushed slightly. "Father, have you already met with my mother?"

"Only by chance and only in passing…did she and I meet somewhere special?"

"My mother's funeral." The other girl replied calmly, if a bit curt.

"Sis—"

"It's fine." Nareji sighed, "He's bound to know anyway, isn't he?"

"But—"

"The seal Hyugas are branded with is a death sentence just waiting to happen, father." Nareji spoke, "When you married mother, some of the clan were…against the idea that you settled with a branch member. With the main heiress still alive…it was an affront."

"So…they killed your mother?" Naruto asked slowly; his brows rose up in surprise.

"No. Hinata did. One night she just activated the brand seal and killed mother. She would have killed me too, had you not intervened."

"I killed Hinata?" Naruto's voice was barely a whisper then.

"Yes." Nareji nodded grimly. "And then you killed every single main branch Hyuga within the compound, leaving behind only the children and burning down all scrolls on the caged bird seal. You later on created a variant that did not include the death switch…and that is that."

"Why did Hinata…why did she do it?"

"My mother used to tell me," Nanabi began, "that her sister always loved you, but that reached the point of stalking you and of dreaming that both of you should end up together. When you married her cousin, her cousin who had been stronger than her for a long while, she just couldn't stand it any longer. She snapped and did what she did."

"You snapped afterwards," Nareji whispered. "I…I don't know if it's all right with you…but please, don't marry either of our mothers." The girl added with a pleading voice.

"Uh? But…"

"You didn't marry mother because you loved her," Nanabi added then, "you married her because she resembled Hinata, and you could make her suffer as long as you wished."

Naruto gave out a startled cough with his voice, as he choked on his own saliva at that. He hadn't really done—

"And after mother died, you just stopped being the kind father you were…" Nareji murmured, "It didn't matter how much Nanabi or I tried…you just weren't there to watch us."

"Which is why we're fine with this, father," Nanabi commented. "Seeing you normal, seeing you living without hate…it's a first for me." The small Jounin held a bitter smile, her face slightly inclined to the side. The girl then bit her lip, bringing her gaze downwards as she slightly blushed again.

"Can I…can I ask something selfish?" she asked, her voice barely hearable.

Naruto didn't know why he was cringing, but in that moment it didn't even matter. He was standing out of the village by then, his gaze on the soft-spoken girl who seemed on the verge of breaking down by herself.

A light breeze picked up, and in that moment the Hyuga girl added.

"Can I get a hug?"

He could feel her soft skin as he encircled his arms around the girl, who began to silently sob as she received what was probably her first hug. He didn't know why his hand went to awkwardly pat the girl's long tresses, maybe it was instinct, but by the time he realized what he was doing the girl had stopped her tears and was now just quietly sniffling.

"We should go," Nareji said, her eyes bulged up as she had probably been on the look-out for incoming shinobis along the road. "Father…I can't tell you whether trying to change things would or would not work…whether choosing one of ours mothers would or not give the same results…" the tallest girl spoke hesitantly, her face nothing but a sad mask, "but for the time I knew you, you always were a good father. I just wanted Nanabi to have a bit of it too…"

And then, with a slow nod of the head, both she and her half-sister disappeared with a flicker of shunshin.

And Naruto remained there, his hand still feeling the warmth of his daughter's body, his jacket wet from her tears…and somehow he knew he would never do something as evil as that ever, for as long as he drew breath.

**Author's notes**

**Every two crackish chapters, I'll put in a Serious one.**

**This one has Nareji (NarutoNeji) and Nanabi (Naruto Hanabi)**


	7. The Red Clouds Thumb-ups!

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Seven.

Naruto quietly began to trudge back towards Konoha. He was still grimacing, when a sudden outburst of force, similar to the Shinra Tensei, grabbed him and flung him to the side.

He barely managed a substitution Jutsu and a Kage Bunshin one, before spinning around to deflect an incoming volley of kunais and shurikens. All of them seemed coated in poison, and that was actually enough to make him wince. Who was attacking him!?

Explosive tags somehow suddenly filled the air, detonating and once more forcing him to resort to a substitution. The attackers were keeping themselves hidden from his sight, but he couldn't believe there was someone who, in this period of peace, wanted to kill him. A strong jet of water, more like a tidal wave, came his way pushing him against the ground and through a couple of tree trunks.

"Ouch! That hurt!" he yelled out loud, only for a three bladed scythe to come spinning for his body.

He aptly ducked down, barely avoiding being scalped. He blinked.

A three bladed scythe?

He knew there was something familiar with the pattern of attacks, but…

"Raiton: Gian!"

A female voice shrieked that a second later, and he rolled to the side, avoiding the lightning bolt. Tendrils of wood emerged in the spot where he had wanted to land, but quickly summoning another Kage Bunshin, he managed to change his trajectory mid-air.

"Who's there!?" he yelled.

A giant fireball lit the sky, diverging into small flaming shurikens that flew in arcs against him. Naruto called forth an Odama Rasengan, to deflect the incoming attacks as he landed back on the ground.

"That's father for you, **the worthless bum."** Twin-voices remarked from nearby.

Naruto actually twitched at that. He was starting to have a bad feeling about this.

The next moment, ten figures clad in the red clouds of Akatsuki emerged from the shadows around him. Standing in extremely provocative and curve-fitting uniforms, something that nearly went against decency, the ten girls looked at him with small grins or smiles.

Some were even flashing him cat-calls.

"Ehi daddy beautiful! How's it going?" the girl with the three bladed scythe remarked. "I'm Nadan!"

"You imbecile, I still haven't decided if he's my dad yet." Another girl droned on with a monotone voice, her body seemingly stitched together, five masks on her back. She was actually the most covered of the girls, having the default long cloak of the Akatsuki. Nakuzu.

"Honorable father, have you seen cousin Nasuko?" surprisingly similar to the girl she was mentioning was another raven haired young woman: this one had long raven hair and…the sharingan. Natachi?

"Always the worrywart." A blue skinned, fairly tall girl with gills on the side of her neck retorted. The sword on her back was Samehada, and with that he just knew who the girl was: Nasame.

"I think it's nice to worry about others!" a voice sung, as a blond haired girl smiled wickedly. "Hey dad, want to see some art?" Nadara…that actually brought him short. If she was Na-Deidara. Then what would Na-Madara be called? He shuddered within the depths of his soul.

They couldn't really go that far, could they?

"Father would rather watch puppet shows with me than blow things up with you." The arrogant voice that smugly spoke belonged to a doll-like girl with a beautiful face, possessing cerulean eyes and light red hair with streaks of blond. She was actually holding with chakra string a puppet eerily reminiscent of Sasori's own. That had to be Nasori.

His gaze then settled on the following two. A blue haired girl with piercing stuck on her face and wearing what looked just like a skimpy see-through fishnet shirt, a blue sleeveless jacket that didn't even reach half-way towards her belly-button, and the Akatsuki cloak looked more like some sort of outer bikini than an actual cloak.

Naruto felt his face heat up at such a sight.

"Like what you see, father?" the blue haired girl winked at him.

"Nanan, stop it." The red haired girl next to her remarked, the Rinnegan in her eyes making her…

"You're called Nagato?" Naruto found himself blurting out.

"No father: it would be a problem to call me like my mother. I am Narato."

"Ah…" the blond boy crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. Finally, he settled on the last two.

"I am Natsu…**horrible bum of a father.**" The girl seemed split in half. One half looked kind of normal, with whisker marks and blond hair. The other half looked more like a metallic version of the first half, of a black color.

"And I am Narara! Nice to meet you daddy!" The masked girl next to her cheerfully said, waving at him with her over-sleeved cloak-shirt-robe of Akatsuki.

"And together, we form the Natsuki!" the group of ten said, all of them making a thumb-up movement. Of course a few made it grumbling —Nasame and Nasori— two were flustered —Nanan and Narato— and one looked outright murderous for whoever had decided that movement had to be their sign-call —Nakuzu, of course— yet they all did the move, which ended when Narara clapped her hands with a cheerful.

"Well done sisters! Well done!"

The moment the ten girls turned to their father…

There was just the after-image of him —such was the speed he had disappeared from in front of them.

The after-image itself looked utterly shocked, as it suddenly disappeared a moment afterwards.

Well, Naruto at least had _tried_ not to run.

But really…

Rape-children.

It had to be _that_ the answer.

**Author's note**

**Natsuki.**

**Na+Akatsuki.**


	8. Complicated Relations

Multiversing with Harems

_Chapter Eight._

Konoha's park was silent. This was a welcome change from all the chaos and turbulence of the second longest day in Naruto's life. The blond haired boy, now practically a man, was taking deep breaths as he calmed himself down. He had barely escaped with his _sanity_ intact one of the most horrendous meeting in the history of his life.

He wasn't going to go around and meet any of the Akatsuki members just to get raped by their female counterparts ever! There was just no…

And with that thought he froze.

Hadn't the girls said that they could bring back the dead, to give 'everyone' a chance?

He slowly stood up and looked at the Hokage tower. He _had_ to warn Tsunade. Even if it would bring forth many questions, he had no choice.

He shunshin'd quickly through Konoha, reaching for the Hokage's office in the blink of an eye and opening the window.

"Baa-chan! You have to lis—" and the words died in his mouth.

Tsunade was currently arm wrestling what appeared to be a female version…well, he didn't actually have an idea of whom she was arm wrestling.

The girl had a tanned skin. She was wearing the Kanji for 'Bad-Ass' written on both of her shoulders and had sunglasses covering her short buzz-cut blond hair. Whisker marks were etched on her face, and as she slammed Tsunade's hand hard on the floor she brought both hands in the air and yelled out loud.

"A'right! Bring yar hands in the air and scream!

Cuz this is Narabi here, and it's time to rock this party! Yoho!"

The girl then turned to Naruto, and smiled while bringing her fist forward for a bro-fist.

"Pops come on, give me a bump!

Don't leave a bro hanging! We've got to go do some banging!"

Naruto whitened, starting to splutter and looking to the right and to the left, but Tsunade had apparently sealed the exits deftly.

"Well…Naruto," Tsunade began with a smile that announced much pain. "It seems you have…some rather interesting girls."

"Yo making me blush Momma big-T!"

A tick-mark appeared on the Hokage's face.

"Really interesting…was there something you wanted to tell me?" she smiled sweetly.

"I…"

"Tsunade-sama." A curt voice came from outside. "We need to talk."

The voice actually made the Godaime Hokage widen her eyes in surprise.

"Yeah 'ttebane, we need to talk." The door was then blown off its hinges, as two girls walked in, both in Jounin attires and both standing proudly. One of the two had long red hair and amber eyes, the whisker marks on her face clearly pronounced. Her chest moved up and down with her breathing, and she seemed to be barely controlling her anger.

The other girl had blond spiky hair, blue eyes and an oval-like face. She had a white cape with flames, and her arms crossed around her chest made her stand out as slightly taller and leaner than the other one. She too had whisker marks on her face.

"Kushina?" Tsunade asked in surprise, looking at the red haired girl.

"I'm Nashina 'ttebane! Where's that fucker of my father!?" the girl raged, froth coming out of her mouth as she turned her piercing gaze on Naruto. "You! Mom's going to be so pissed at you, you know!?"

"I'm sure he will explain everything." The blond girl spoke coolly, her voice carrying however some sort of ice in the conversation. "Especially why he believed someone as hot-headed as you could possibly a better mother than mine, who was calm, collected, and also the Yondaime Hokage, first female Hokage in the history of the world."

"Nanato?" Tsunade suddenly hazarded, and the moment she did she then turned wide eyes to where Naruto was standing, completely green and frothing from the excessive knowledge.

In that moment, Narabi exclaimed.

"Wow pops! I knew you were a big-ass fucker! Didn't know you were a mother-fucker and a father-fucker too! Yo ho! Just wait until I tell mom! This is to crack about!"

Naruto's soul simply decided to depart his body in that instant.

Heaven would clearly accept a penitent soul who…

The boy woke up on the bench in Konoha's park. He had probably fallen asleep there after the tiring escape. His head was on something soft however, but he kept his eyes closed and just enjoyed the feeling. It was then that something clicked in him.

He had fallen asleep on a bench. What could there be of soft?

A voice soon broke the silence.

"Kukuku Father, mother wishes to test if child-parent children hold more genetical makeup genes than not, would you please keep still while I ravage your pelvis?"

His eyes widened to stare into the golden and slit ones of a pale skinned girl with long raven hair. The whisker marks on her face however showed her as yet one more of her daughter.

"I am Nachimaru, father dear."

And with those words, Naruto screamed.

**Author's notes**

**Brought it up to M rating.**

…

**Uhuhuh.**


	9. Self-Termination is a Valuable Option

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Nine.

Nachimaru softly caressed her father's hair, her look pensive. The only reason Naruto hadn't yet ran was because he couldn't even control one of his muscles. The girl smiled with a small smirk, before coming down to whisper close to his face.

"I drugged you with a sedative…can't run from me now, can you?"

"Let father go and nobody will have to get hurt." A voice rung in the air, making Naruto wince. Nakashi was actually standing there, _Icha-Icha Forbidden Pillowfest Extreme Edition_ in hand, silver hair flowing because of a light breeze.

"Don't you want a turn too?" Nachimaru softly whispered, with her voice sultry. "We can get Nakura in also, come on. It won't hurt him, and he might even like it a lot."

The 'lot' was soon followed by the girl's hand moving _**somewhere it wasn't meant to go**_.

Naruto's high pitched throat-whines nearly reached subsonic levels, as the two girls glared at one another in the bizarre standoff. He had tried to scream earlier, but it hadn't worked. Even his muscles were now lethargic and unresponsive.

He was at his daughter's mercy.

"SHANNARO!" the ground around him trembled and broke apart, as Naruto flew in the air to land in the arms of…Kakashi-sensei.

The fact that he was turning green meant nothing to his sensei, who merely looked at him with his only eye in an eye-smile pose. Next to him, Sakura Haruno was standing with a nervous tick mark on her forehead, as well as her entire body enflamed by pure anger.

"Naruto! What is the meaning of this!?"

As she said that, she grasped from behind her a bound in…

Nakura was bound in one of those latex black things for submissive women. Not that Naruto knew what they were of course: it wasn't as if he _actually read_ whatever Jiraiya wrote…really, it was just a coincidence.

"Daddy, mom's mad," Nakura sing-sung. "It's because she's got no tits: she's as flat as a board." Sakura just flung her straight into him, probably in a fit of rage. A fit of rage that however made Nakura smile victoriously, as she snatched Naruto while in mid-air, before crashing on the ground with her legs and disappearing beneath the ground.

"Let's go Daddy!"

He didn't know whether to be surprised or not, that the girl seemed to be walking through the underground of Konoha like she was born to it, clad in that black latex suit that made her the nightmare of every respectable father. There was little he could do however, until Kurama woke up and decided to remove the poison from his veins.

In fact he was actually wondering where the hell Kurama had gone, since he hadn't said a word yet. A few minutes later, and a door in the sewers was smashed open, to reveal an old laboratory that reeked of 'Orochimaru was here' and 'bad experiments, get the hell out and call for napalm'.

The girl dropped him on an old and dusty cot before slowly making her way on his lap. There she smiled at him, before placing her head against his chest and breathing in hard his smell.

"Mine." She mumbled, her hands clenching the fabric of his clothes. "Mom doesn't want you, so you're mine now." She whispered. "Only mine."

He tried to hum something like a 'no!' but all he got back was tear strained eyes.

"Why not? I'm pretty ain't I? I'm better than mom. She's always working in the hospital, she's never home, and she always yells at you." Nakura shook her head. "You're the same too. Always working as Hokage, busy all the day…but you can find the time to be with me! Mom doesn't simply care! So why can't you be with me!?"

Naruto hurriedly hummed a 'you are my daughter, it's improper!'

"It isn't if there's true love!" she retorted angrily. "That's what all those books you keep hidden from mom say!"

'I am going to kill Jiraiya of another universe as soon as I find him' Naruto thought calmly, 'and also my other self who reads Icha-Icha books'.

"I want you daddy, please love me back?" she whispered sultrily, her eyes blinking like a doe's as she slowly moved her face closer.

'No! No! It's not done!' he hummed again, trying to move but failing.

"Fine then!" the girl exclaimed, showing all of her Sakura-genes anger, "If you won't love me, then I'll just rape you!"

"UHHUUUMMMMUHHUUUUU!" he whined, his eyes wide as the girl furiously grasped for his trousers.

"Enough!" another voice rang in the room, soon followed by a cane tapping on the ground, a gale of wind unleashing and sending the girl to crash against the wall.

"Nobody touches my most honorable Hokage without my permission, understood!?" the voice barked, coming from a raven haired girl with short hair, half of her face bandaged as she held herself in a black Anbu-outfit. The cane she was using seemed like a walking cane for elderly people, but the girl itself seemed young. She was probably ten years old.

Her only visible eye was a striking blue, and the whisker marks on half of her face did mark her as one of his daughter.

The question was…which…could…have…

"I am Nanzo!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

The poison burned through his body as Naruto screamed himself through a wall, leaving behind a human-shaped hole as he went.

"Honorable Hokage! Wait for me!" Nanzo yelled, soon pursuing her…father, as aptly as she could.

Up above the ground meanwhile, another raven haired girl was looking around perplexed.

"I'm hearing something strange sister." She said to a similar raven haired girl.

"You're imagining things Narotsuchi."

"Are you sure Nanoki?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the scream seemed to increase as it passed by.

"Yes sister, I am sure."

And then, of course, the ground cracked as Naruto jumped out from the ground landing and leaving behind a large crater as he ended up on the Hokage's mountain.

He breathed deeply, as his heart tried to stop erratically beating.

Of course it was a lost cause.

"Honorable father: is it the time for your pills?" the voice of Nanzo echoed from behind him, as quickly as a shadow the girl was already next to him. He looked at her warily, before staring at the pills in questions.

They seemed used for Schizophrenic patients and depressed ones.

Of course having a child with Shimura Danzo, in female version, would make anyone depressed! How old had the…and he had…

In that moment, he calmly went for his kunai.

There was a way to solve this problem once and for all…

To solve the _root_ of the problem…

He stared at the diabolical thing between his leg, and with a loud scream of 'DIE' he plunged his kunai downwards.

Or at least he tried, if his 'daughter' hadn't actually disarmed him of any cutting weapons and substituted them with hard rubber ones beforehand.

So Naruto fell on the ground holding his most prized jewels.

And tears ran down his face.

To Nanzo, it was clear the Hokage was honorably crying tears of joy at being reunited with his most efficient and loyal daughter.

Because of course, she was a daddy's girl too.

**Author's notes**

**When there's something strange, in the neighborhood…**

**Who you gonna call!? **

**Nut busters!**

***whistles the tune***

**I did it. I placed MORE.**

**We will keep this up until they are all around!**

**MWUHAHAUAAU!**


	10. SC) The Bitter Aftertaste

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Ten.

Nanzo, differently from his other daughters, seemed difficult to lose. Naruto realized that as he desperately tried to make his way to his apartment, while at the same time trying his best to lose her. She never relented. In the end, he had to use the Taju Kage Bunshin to simply depart everyone in different directions, before finally reaching for his house.

He opened the door of his apartment, already dreading the feeling of seeing someone within that would probably make him retch, when _nothing_ happened. He blinked in surprise, before cautiously peeking around the one-room apartment, and finally deciding that it did seem empty. He closed the door behind him, as he stepped inside and made his way to the kitchenette.

He took three steps towards the cupboard, where the cup-ramen was meant to be, and then he stilled sensing someone observing him.

He slowly turned his head around, to look at the window of his apartment.

It was open, and a figure was dangling her legs outside. Long flowing red hair and a bright looking smile, with cheeks holding whisker-marks. A bright red dress covered her, as nine fluffy crimson tails sprouted from her back. Her eyes did not hold the human irises, but slits like those of a fox. They were however a nice cerulean shade.

Naruto blinked once, seeing the fox-girl sniff the air for a second, before turning to look at him and blinking once.

"Hey dad, welcome back home."

The tone wasn't cheerful.

It wasn't noisy. It wasn't extreme. The girl didn't seem to be trying to assault him or even touch him. She just looked towards him, then back at the outside. "Do we eat Ramen?"

Naruto frowned at the 'we' but then shook his head slowly and placed a second cup. He could offer the food of the god to one of his probable daughters. Had he done it with a fox? Nine-Tails however…

His eyes widened as he felt something revulsive settle deep within his throat.

_**KURAMA WHERE THE FUCKING FUCK OF HELLISH FUCKS ARE YOU!?**_

**I was sleeping. What do you have to yell so loud?**

The deep rumbling noise echoed through Naruto's head, as the boy merely deadpanned.

_**Our daughter, that's what.**_

**What? I am a chakra construct. I cannot give birth. And, excuse me, but you are clearly not my type.**

_**And neither are you. It's not like I have a fetish for nine-tailed foxes as big as a mountain…well, can you explain her then?**_

Narama quietly left the windowsill, graciously moving towards the kitchenette to take care of the boiling water, before adding the powdered ramen as Naruto finished setting the table. It actually seemed like a normal everyday scene.

"How…" he asked, trying to bridge the argument.

"Mother wanted out," she replied calmly. "She possessed you while half-breaking the seal. You didn't want to die of course, so you fought back. Your chakra coils were churning out chakra and so you just brought it all up and merged it into a single Kage Bunshin: me. I'm actually skin, flesh and blood, because mother can materialize her chakra into solid form…if you remember your eight tail status…" her voice trailed off. "So I'm your daughter."

**That actually could work. If I wanted to reduce you to a cripple with no chakra pathway, force myself through excruciating pains and actually have a chance to escape before another shinobi sealed me in.**

_**Thankfully you didn't.**_

"You were reduced to a near cripple state, while I was brought away to be studied," she whispered. "You didn't heal. I didn't talk: I looked just like this, but I had no memories, no knowledge of anything. My first memories are of a dingy cell and that guy, the Yamanaka, trying to enter my brains for information while the bald guy readied the torture instruments."

The ramen broth seemed cooked, at least in the eyes of the girl since she removed the pot from the water.

"You came to visit me two weeks later and took me in. By then my first words were 'tell the truth' and 'this is going to hurt' and…" she mumbled something incoherently, before sitting down and staring at the plate. Naruto winced as he took the seat in front of her, sharing equally the ramen.

"And the villagers hated us?" he supplied.

"Hate was on the good days," she chuckled grimly. "They tried to form mobs to crucify me, they flung stones, explosive tags…a few shinobis tried to assassinate us. You couldn't use chakra, and I wasn't trained as a shinobi. You did your best, really you did." Her eyes looked down at the ramen, as her chopsticks merely began to stir the noodles. "In the end you had to train me to defend myself, and when I started attacking our assailers, things just crashed down." She dropped her chopsticks on the sides of the bowl.

"We left the village?"

"No, you died, and I destroyed the village down to its last child." The girl replied calmly, without an inflection of anger or anything more. It was just…as if she was talking of something that wasn't important. "And then I left…I was roaming around without a purpose when I was brought here."

Naruto's eyes had widened to the size of saucers, as the girl spoke.

"The civilians aren't that bad here! There's no need to…"

"I know," Narama replied. "I know," she softly added. "I'm sort of jealous, really. Even if you were to convince Kurama to try and give birth to me, I wouldn't be the girl. She would probably grow up loved and respected by all, and not just by her father." Tears formed on the girl's eyes.

"I…I should go," she whispered, standing up. "I'll be around, enjoying the village…when you'll have made your choice, I'll be there." And then she disappeared.

Somehow, Naruto wasn't hungry either after that.

**Author's notes**

**And the Serious Chapter strikes again.**


	11. Everyone Has (Age) Limits

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Eleven.

He slowly opened the door of his apartment, readying himself to leave, when a thick smell of smoke reached his nose. He blinked as he saw a raven haired girl, the hair short and spiky, looking at him with a cigarette in her mouth. She seemed to be wearing a long sleeved black shirt, with a Jounin vest. Her Kyuubi-induced whiskers were coupled with bright blue eyes.

"Yo pops," she began calmly. "I'm Nasuma."

"Smoke is bad for your health," he quipped in. The next instant, his left hand shot up to dodge an incoming soccer ball, that apparently came at him with quite the bit of speed.

"Hey dad! Want to play!?" a blond haired girl that strongly resembled Ino, albeit with a more tomboyish appearance, spoke from the side of the floor. "I'm Narino by the way!"

He took a deep breath. Naruto could do this. If there was one thing Narama had done, it was to open his eyes. He just had to accept them as his daughters, trying at least not to run away when he heard their names and deduced who they were the daughters of. He bounced the ball with his right foot and then his left one, before kicking it gently back.

"All right!" he exclaimed, before turning to Nasuma. "Want to play too?"

"Please," Nasuma remarked rolling her eyes. "I'm a Jounin, not a brat."

Naruto swiftly grabbed the cigarette from the girl's mouth. "And I'm your father: no smoking!"

Nasuma's eyebrow twitched before she moved her hand to her breast-pocket. She tapped it slightly once, twice, and then turned a murderous stare to where her father was heading off with Narino.

"Give me my cigarettes back!" she screamed as she dashed behind him.

"Catch us if you can, Jounin-girl!" Naruto laughed out loud as he grabbed Narino by the waist and began to run through Konoha, the other young daughter screaming in delight as they passed through the population.

They stopped near an empty training ground, where a river was lazily running its course. On a nearby hill, a deer was apparently enjoying its nap. It took Naruto a moment while narrowing his eyes to realize it wasn't a deer, but a girl in a deer pajama.

"That's Nakamaru," Narino muttered. "She's sleeping as always."

"Where's…" Naruto's words were cut off, when the stream near them suddenly exploded to reveal a blue armored girl stepping through. She had silver-grey hair and three red gashes per side on her face, rather than whisker marks. Her armor seemed to increase the size of her breasts, as they were apparently the only thing the blue plates didn't cover. The symbol of the Senju clan stood proudly on her shoulder-guards, and her eyes were the clearest of blue colors.

Naruto actually stared at the girl for a moment, lost in thought.

Could it be Naku? No, Haku never had plate-mail.

The figure looked sort of familiar, but he had never seen it before.

He blinked for a moment, before looking quietly to the Hokage Mountain.

Then he looked back at the figure.

Then back at the mountain.

Then back at the woman who was now unsheathing the Raijin from her sides.

"My only regret in the world," the girl spoke calmly. "Is that I have a pervert as a father." Her speech was old fashioned, but as she a single one-hand symbol, water dragons sprouted from behind her to charge at him.

"I AM NABIRAMA FATHER! REMEMBER MY NAME FOR IT WILL BE THAT OF YOUR EXECUTIONER!"

Naruto dodged, his mind starting to overload. He would hold his ground however. This time he wouldn't run. There was just…well, he was sincerely scared but…he could manage this, most definitively.

"Stop honorable sister!" another voice rose as a set of giant trees appeared to block the water dragons. Clad in red plated armor, a dark haired girl with a similar armor position as the other appeared. Her eyes were blue too, and instead of the red marks she held the whisker ones normally. She also seemed to sport a sword on her back. "I will not let you lay a hand on our esteemed father, for I am Nashirama!"

Naruto could feel his stomach churning out his breakfast quickly. He could feel the vomit rise to his throat, but he held it there, menacing to explode outside but still holding it.

He could resist the urge to run.

He could do it. They were his daughters and he was sure he could come to love them as—

A mane of red hair caught his gaze, as a girl extremely similar to Nashina barged on the confrontation. "Stop!" she screamed, "I am Nato and I say we can all get along! Do not let power bring forth…"

Wait, wasn't Mito the name of his Uzumaki grandmother?

IT was enough.

He barfed as his throat screamed; apparently generating some sort of propulsion system he wasn't aware of.

The 'barf'-jutsu flung him away from the confrontation, covering in vomit the 'contestants' as he launched himself through the air and out of reach.

Nato slowly brought her hand to her hair.

She removed a half-digested noodle and let it drop on the ground.

She turned to look at where her father had gone and then, calmly palming one of her hair-sticks, she said.

"MY NAME IS NATO! I WILL BE YOUR EXECUTIONER, FATHER!"

And Naruto, meanwhile, was starting to think that maybe he could transfer over to the land of Spring.

Nobody would look for him there, right?

**Author's notes**

**Tobirama. Hashirama. Mito.**

**Terrible Three.**

**Plus the Nasuma and the two already seen girls of before…**

**Even a father's love has limits.**


	12. The Mirages and the Images

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Twelve

Naruto didn't know when he stopped barf-flying. What he knew was that by the time he stopped, he had sand coming out of his ears. He was in the middle of the Sunagakure desert, under the harsh wind and the baleful glares of the sun's rays. A sudden spike of chakra in his proximity alerted him that something was coming at him with full speed.

"_DAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. "_

He barely had the time to duck, roll, and dodge the hell out of an incoming gold and red pair of bullets.

"DADDY DADDY DADDY!" he was suddenly surrounded by what seemed like afterimages, afterimages of what looked like twins, albeit one had golden hair with blue streaks, while the other held red hair and panda-like eyes.

The gold-haired child had dark eyes, but the whisker marks…they clearly defined the girl as his. Same for the red haired one, who had cerulean eyes and the whisker marks. She also bore the Kanjis for 'I love Daddy More' on her forehead.

"You came!" the gold-haired one yelled, "I'm Nakaku!"

"I'm Naara!" the red haired girl exclaimed with a cheer.

"And together, we're the over-excited sand twins!" they both jumped then, tackling him by the neck. They couldn't be more than six or seven years old, but did he ever even have that amount of energy at their age?

Wait a moment. He was pretty sure 'Naara' could be him with Gaara…but Nakaku? How did he manage that? Did he…was the raccoon in…heat? Did he pin him down during the battle at Konoha? Rape him in the sand? Oh hell, the images of the sand in 'that' area…oh god, oh kami why…

Naruto shuddered as he tightened the hold on the two girls.

"You still have to meet Namari, Nankuro and Naki!"

"Naki?" he asked, feeling half-afraid to even try and come up with who she could be the daughter of.

"Uh-uh! And then there's Nayo!"

"Na…Nayo?"

"Yeah! Nayo!"

"No, no 'yeah Nayo' …Nayo who?" he actually frowned.

"Nayo is Nayo dad!" Nakaku pouted as the sound around her formed a mock-tear. "She's our Onee-sama! She likes to fish and she's good with puppets! She helped Nasori and—"

"No," suddenly a name filled his mind.

"No," he meekly added as sand enveloped him to pull him forward. "NOooooooooooooo"

Kami all-mighty probably heard his desperate plead then, because the next instant…

An explosion rocked the sand prison holding him entrapped, also sending his 'daughters' to tumble on the ground face down. From up above, one of the Sky-Village's flying things quickly descended, snatching him as he tried to make a run for it.

He was grabbed by the waist and pulled up, ending up grabbing tightly onto whatever surface he could use to avoid falling.

"Ahhhh," his hands grasped something fleshy and firm, as a female voice moaned right next to his ears. "Father, not here," she cooed. "We need to rekindle the Sky-Village population, it was a wreck when I found it!" the girl seemed to have two loose pony-tails, albeit those were a dark red color rather than the usual blond hair. Her eyes were cerulean though, just like the whisker marks on her face.

Her humongous breasts seemed more like inflatable balloons however, and when Naruto realized what he was touching, and of _whom_ he was touching them…

He yelped.

He dropped his hold.

He fell.

She grabbed him again mid-fall.

"I am Namaru! Ru-Ru!" she…was she purring?

"Ehm…"

"Rrrrr," she blew in his ear. "I love my risk-loving father a lot," she muttered, "And you're as firm as—"

"I'm taking the Toad-Train," Naruto deadpanned then, creating a clone and swapping with him within seconds. As he began to fall, while biting his lip, his other clone dispersed just in time to slam in his brain the memories of his daughter harassing him a bit more…really?

"Gamabunta!" he screamed as he conjured the Chief Toad.

What he got instead was something different.

There was a…

A Giant Kappa, maybe? With reddish skin and bandages 'clenching' her chest, she was sporting a massive pipe and was sitting with her legs crossed over the countryside. She was practically the same size as Gamabunta, if only with a distinctively more humanoid, female humanoid, form.

Somehow, Naruto Uzumaki died a little bit more inside after that moment.

Somehow, his very soul decided to leave his body.

Because.

Really.

Him and Gamabunta.

_The images._

**Author's notes**

**IMAGINE AND BE DOOMED TO CHAOS AND DEATH!**

***coughs***

**Hope you liked this.**


	13. The Change Is Coming

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Thirteen

Namabunta.

He had a daughter called Namabunta.

He really hadn't wished to know that.

"Yo pops," his daughter's giant voice echoed through the forest. "You called?"

"Ehm," he chuckled nervously. "Where's the Toad's boss?"

"You mean mom?" no, he didn't mean 'mom'. He meant the Toad's boss. He refused to believe in Gamabunta being 'mom'.

"He's jumping around with Namakichi," she shrugged, the movement making Naruto nearly lose his step. "They've been talking."

"I see," Naruto chuckled nervously.

"LET DADDY GO!" twin furious screams echoed as a giant wave of sand crashed against Namabunta, sending her to tumble on the ground. As Naruto flapped his arms in a mock-attempt at flight, he realized his daughter was wearing a Fundoshi, rather than a normal pair of trousers.

She looked —except of course for her green skin— as a well built and muscled girl, quite a bit of scars covering her entire body as the result of a harsh training.

"You brats!" the giant toad-girl retorted with a snarl, grabbing her pipe and slamming it back on the giant sand rendition of the Ichibi, albeit this one had two heads rather than one, both with colored lines.

One of the heads was deep purple lined, while the other held the reddish colors of Gaara's hair.

As Naruto began to fall in the midst of the battle, he was grabbed against by the perverted Namaru, who dived in just in time.

"Let's go father! Nanno was just waiting for you!"

"Wait, Nanno?"

"Yeah, Nanno! She said she wanted to try some new health system with leeches and…"

"Drop me," he stated simply. "Drop me here or I'm going down myself," he supplied.

His eyes narrowed on the horizon.

That was Wave, wasn't it?

He could even see the completed bridge…and was that a statue they had built for him?

As Namaru landed, removing the contraption that granted flight at the same time, Naruto breathed in the salty air of the village he had helped survive and fight back against Gato.

"See this? I'm awesome 'ttebayo!" he exclaimed pointing at the statue.

"Are you trying to ignore my previous words, father?" Namaru queried with a curious voice.

"It can't hurt me what I'm forcefully ignoring from existence!" he yelled back. "As long as I don't believe in it, it won't become real! Nanana! Not listening!"

"Father! Stop being such a child, really!" she exclaimed. Naruto just shrugged, before starting to run towards the old drunken Tazuna house.

He stopped at the doorway however, his hand already poising to knock.

What if there was a Nazuna?

Could he take that hit?

His mind already filled with the images of a drunken girl with whisker cheeks and swinging her booze in a ceramic bottle.

He couldn't withstand that now, could he?

He couldn't.

He spun around, already regretting having descended, when a form tackled him from the side.

"Daddy you came!" the squealing sound of a young girl with bright wide blue eyes and whisker marks only added to the overall cuteness of her bright blond hair tied in a single pony-tail. "I'm Nanari!" she cheerfully said, before purring contently against his chest.

"Nanari?" he croaked out.

"Yeah! You came back! Mom turned into a man you know? But I changed her right back!" as she happily squealed that, something within Naruto broke as he stood up. Especially when he heard a sharp high-pitched scream.

"YOU BASTARD!" he spun just in time to see Inari —with longer brown hair and a skirt— knee-cap him in the face before slamming him on the ground. "CHANGE. ME. BACK. It isn't funny!"

"Mommy!" Nanari squeaked. "Don't fight with Daddy!"

"I'm not into this!" Inari yelled. "Come on! Do something Naruto! You can't tell me you…you…" Inari's female form had…well…breasts.

His eyes were actually captivated by the melon-sized things which didn't seem to be held by anything similar to a bra.

"Oh hell!" Inari squeaked with her high-pitched female voice, clasping her hands over her chest. "I lost the bandages again!" there were tears on the boy-girl face now. "Please," she whimpered. "Change me back."

"Now mommy! You have to kiss daddy like you do every time he comes back and you two fight," Nanari replied seriously…as seriously as a five year old could. "Everything will be better afterwards."

The image of him kissing Inari…

Naruto turned green and began to wobble towards the pier.

"Wait! Naruto-kun?" a female motherly voice reached his ears, as he turned just in time to see Tsunami coming out with a basket full with laundry —trailing behind her a sort of Tsunami-clone, down to the hair color. The only differences were a slightly lower height and whisker marks.

"Nanami?" he asked, already defeated in his tone.

"Yes," the girl cheerfully said.

"You know, Naruto-kun," Tsunami began hesitantly, biting her lower lip. "I think…you grew up well in these years."

Naruto blinked.

"MOM!? THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Inari screamed just as Namaru pounced on Naruto, a kunai out and striking a defensive pose.

"Nanari! Begin operation Milf removal!"

"Aye!" and then, just as the girl dropped down a smoke-bomb, Naruto acted.

Knocking out Namaru by aiming at her pressure point in the neck, the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi ran forward to grasp Tsunami.

"Oh my!" the woman exclaimed, as the blond haired boy held her bridal style before running through the bridge.

"Sorry for the mess!" he told her, the words stammered out. "I've been having quite a hectic week."

"I can understand that," Tsunami giggled. "But I wasn't finished back there, Naruto-kun," Tsunami whispered sultrily. "I think you and I can work, you know? And our daughter is such a polite thing! Always helping out doing the laundry and—"

And Naruto dropped her to the side of the bridge.

"Cool your menopause whims in the water lady!" Naruto screamed. "My heart's set on a single girl!"

Tsunami screamed as she fell down in the cold water of the Land of the Rivers' country. Half of fear…the other half of rage. She had never been dumped that way!

Somehow, somewhere, a group of readers screamed not only as the fourth wall was broken, but also at the fact that Naruto was so much of an idiot he had passed up on a perfectly acceptable woman.

The screams were heard even as Naruto kept on going headstrong towards his objective: somewhere safe to rest and eat.

After all, if he kept on ignoring the advances of girls like he had done for the past years, especially after saving said girls lives…he had a chance.

A chance at being left in peace.

The brief glance at Nazuna going back home from work, drunk and with a slightly bald hair was enough to make Naruto actually ignore where he was going.

So by the time he realized he had gone in the wrong direction…

He was already halfway towards Iwa.

_It just wasn't his day._

**Author's notes.**

**And another is out! Take the crack while it's fresh! Claim the crack! Claim it! We are not done yet adding girls! They are coming!**


	14. And Then Came the Gods

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Fourteen

Iwa was filled with rocks.

The sky was a bright blue color, the sun a shining golden orb and the wind a nice breeze. Yet the feeling of cold and dark death seemed to be looming over him, as if the shinigami was perched upon his shoulder.

A tuft of white hair fell on his eyes.

He stilled and moved his gaze upwards.

A polished mask of ceramic met his gaze. White hair, floating robes, and curvaceous curves tightly fit within a sort of white kimono were the first things he saw. A sort of ceremonial knife in the right hand was the next one.

"Nanigami?" he asked defeated.

The creature just nodded.

He lowered his gaze to the source of all his problems.

"How? No, explain this to me now! _HOW THE HELL DO YOU FUCK A SHINIGAMI!? HOW!? WHAT ARE YOU!? SOME SORT OF GOD OF SPERM!?_"

His troublesome problem did not answer.

His daughter ruffled his hair affectionately, before dropping her arms crossed on his head as if she was enjoying a ride on his shoulders.

"Fantastic," Naruto muttered to himself. "I must be some sort of god of sex then, does Kami hate me or something? Ah, no, I probably did her too."

Another robed figure stood with her right hand up, as if she was about to call Naruto from the outskirts of the boy's view. Hearing those words the girl that was dressed like a priestess of a shrine disappeared in a bad mood.

It began to rain five seconds later.

"Yeah, and I probably did a poor job," he muttered grumbling. "Well, at least it can't get any worse than this. The Akatsuki was done, the Sannin too. The Kages are practically accounted for. I can't even have a normal daughter for Kami's sake…someone normal, completely and utterly normal?"

"Dad?" a timid voice spoke to his side. A plain looking girl with brown hair and hazel eyes stared at him, dressed in a normal looking set of clothes.

He blinked as he looked at her.

"I'd also like some ramen," he yelled to the sky. Nothing happened, albeit the girl did start to giggle.

"Dad, you silly!"

"Ah, yeah, sorry," he scratched the back of his head sheepishly, before moving closer to the girl. "So, you are?"

"Nami," she replied with a light smile. "You don't know me?"

"I think…no, I suppose not."

"Oh," she dropped her shoulders slightly. "Doesn't matter," she shrugged then. "Where are you going?"

"Towards Iwa," he retorted. "I hope there aren't any strange girls there like in Konoha."

"Oh no!" Nami giggled, "They all went to Konoha. You should be safe anywhere else."

"River country told me something extremely different," he rebuffed her gently. He was starting to like this girl.

"Yeah, but now they're all in Konoha I think," she bit her lower lip. "Can I come with you dad?"

The weight on Naruto's head increased as small wisps began to appear around him. Nanigami seemed pissed off at something, and the smile on Nami's face seemed to become tenser by the minute.

"Sure, why not?" he shrugged.

"Yeah!" the girl exclaimed before moving closer to him and taking his hand with her. "This way I don't get lost!" she added with a 'te-he-he'.

Naruto's cheeks blushed fiercely.

Why couldn't all his daughters be like her?

"Father." A drawled out and monotone voice came to his other side, where a girl with raven hair and dark pitch-black eyes looked at him. She had completely pale skin and was wearing white robes, holding in one hand the ceremonial knife the girl on his head had…oh, so Nanigami could assume mortal form.

"Me too." She added.

"All…right?" he chuckled nervously.

And so it was that Naruto began to walk…back to Konoha.

"Wait! I'm supposed to be going to…"

"Silly daddy," Nami grinned. "You've got to meet mom!"

"Approve." Nanigami remarked.

Somehow, the fact that he couldn't use the Kawarimi to disappear told Naruto that this time around…

There simply would be no way out.

"Wait a moment," he muttered as color drained from his face.

"They're _all_ in Konoha?"

"Yup!"

"Yes."

Naruto blanched and fainted.

_Meanwhile in Konoha…_

"Take your Naruto plushies!" a merchant yelled out loud, before being completely surrounded by babbling girls with different hair colors and eyes. The only thing they all held in common was the mark of the whiskers on their face.

"Ramen! Naruto-approved ramen!" another merchant was suddenly filled with girls.

"Panties! NARUTO APPROVED PAN—" the screams of delight nearly deafened the smart and grinning merchant…before he was pummeled to the ground by two enraged kunoichi.

In her office, Tsunade was nursing the mother of mothers of all grandmothers of headaches.

Nanato and Nashina were eying her with their arms crossed, both seemingly wanting to input their own ideas.

"Now, I get this," Tsunade raised her hands. "But if you told me your parents came back with you in the event they were dead, shouldn't there be…"

"TSUNADE-SAMA!" Shizune's voice screeched as she barged in through the door. "There's—"

And then Dan and Nawaki stepped through the door.

Soon followed by _Nan_ and…

_Nawaki_ two?

The tick mark on Tsunade's face literally _detonated_.

"_**NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_"

And somehow…even while fainted…

Naruto knew he would be in for a world of pain.

**Author's notes**

**I regret nothing.**

**The blog is made. .it. Author's lengthy notes are there now.**


	15. Break the Fourth Wall!

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Fifteen

Konoha was bustling with activity.

Perverts, panty-sellers and what-not all seemed to enjoy the economic boom that 'Naruto-approved' marks seemed to be bringing. Many of the girls seemed flirtatious to say the least, and quite a few were outright beauties.

The fact the Natsuki was 'alive' meant slightly nothing, especially because the girls had lacked to tell one tiny little detail to their 'father'.

The dead returned.

As _females_.

Dan was cupping his (her?) breasts, his face furrowed in confusion. Nawaki, the child that he was, looked unfazed by the twin orbs of flesh that protruded from his chest. "Big sister!" he exclaimed happily, launching himself against Tsunade who seemed to have lost her anger, replaced by mere shock once more.

She instinctively hugged the boy (girl) that was her brother (sister) and began to think about how to (not) kill the guy who was (not) breaking the fourth wall by putting parenthesis in her thoughts.

(The author excuses himself and disappears)

"Dan! Nawaki!" she was in tears, she admitted as much. "How…how is this possible?"

"A shitload of chakra!" Nawaki two exclaimed. "And I'm Naruwaki, not Nawaki." She smiled then before cheerfully showing her breasts. "Are they bigger than mom's!?"

"Shut it you imbecile," Nan pouted, slightly miffed as she slapped the back of the girl's neck. "Let's not get this into a Yuri orgy now, all right? Where is father?"

"I am going to feign being deaf now, lalalalaaaa," Dan muttered, shaking his (her) head. "Stop it with the parenthesis! Use female!" she snapped a second later.

"Breaking the fourth wall…is it bad?" Shizune muttered.

"That depends if the author gets a daughter too," Tsunade smirked. "It would be payback though, wouldn't it?"

(Don't count on it.)

"Why? Afraid of Mary-sueness?"

(I'm not –ever- going to be gender-bended into a female. Never.)

"Come down here right now then!"

(And turn this from crack-fic to self-insert crack-fic? Are you mad? Think of the madness!)

Tsunade scoffed. "Bitch."

"Ehm…" Nan chuckled nervously. "Did she turn mad?"

"I think we broke her," Naruwaki replied slowly. "Like, really broke her."

"The author's at fault here!" Tsunade screamed then, with the other people looking at her as if she was literally mad and with five to six heads.

"I'm not mad! I see you up there, typing this shit in!" she screeched once more.

"All right Tsunade-sama," Shizune said with a condolence-like tone, "Time for the medicine."

"No…I…"

Meanwhile, near the gates, a woman with spiky brown hair was standing feral-like and crouched next to another equally spike-haired girl, with blond hair and whisker marks. Next to them was a giant wolf, who had next to him a blond-furred dog-girl with fluffy ears and a bouncing tail.

Next to them was the conclusion of the trio of mother-daughter. "Naba? You all right?" Naromaru asked.

"Yeah, my father's in bestiality somewhere, but it's fine really," she muttered. "I'm going to rip him to shreds."

"Well, he's got to be strong to make my heart pound," Tsume remarked then. "Name here must clearly have been born from a great fight."

Name (not said 'name' like sur-name, but 'Name' like Na-last bit of Tsume –accents are important!) just giggled. "My sister's so cute!"

"Or maybe not," Tsume deadpanned, crossing her arms over her chest. "I can sniff him."

"Yeah, I can sniff the bastard too," Kiba snarled. "I'll teach him to…to have a daughter with me! God damn it! Why!? It should be the opposite!"

"And break the heart of the Yaoi lovers who wish for male preg? Really?" Naba said then teary-eyed. "Nobody thinks about the Yaoi m-preg lovers!"

"I…I don't want to know," Kiba blanched. "I really don't want to know."

"Is this the line for 'welcome Naruto back home and kill him'?" a sweetly sick voice asked next to them. Turning around, the group of Inuzuka was met with the sight of a…of a…

"You can't be serious."

"Shitting me?"

"I'm Nakkun."

Somehow, having a son with…with Pakkun resulted in a long curvaceous body of female, with soft blond fur and white silky skin, cerulean blue eyes and waffling blond ears that twitched.

"Neko-lovers beware! I'm Nakkun woof!" she chirped. "So where's daddy huh?" her tails waggled repeatedly, her tongue sticking out playfully as she actually…moaned?

"Ahn…I think I'm in heat…"

"No. Stop." Tsume barred her hands. "That's not possible. Literally. Stop it. Come on. Was there something around here he didn't fuck!?"

Kiba turned thoughtful for once, before clapping his hands together.

"Ha! I know!" cheerfully, he was about to point to the monument of Konoha, when a female-looking stone slowly rolled all the way down to his foot. Written on it was the word 'Nanument'.

Kiba blanched. "I'm done."

Nanzo just giggled from the shadows. Stupid Inuzukas, trying to claim her father away. Stupid people, thinking they'd prevent her from letting her give the medicine her father needed. Stupid Konoha, not understanding the might of Danzo's daughter.

In another corner, lurking in wait, the Natsuki girls were quietly making their best 'lurker' impression.

"Act unimpressed," Nanan said to the rest, "everything is normal," she added hastily.

"Konan," Nagato said then, appearing from around a corner. "I've got breasts."

"I see that, Nagato," Konan remarked.

"I've got breasts too!" a female Yahiko emerged from another corner.

"Yahiko?" Nagato asked in awe.

"Nagato? Konan?"

"Yahiko? Nagato?"

"Yahiko? Konan?"

"Nagato? Konan?"

"Stop this or I'm shredding you all and eating you for breakfast. **I concur.**" Female-Zetsu remarked grumbling.

"I feel strange," Kisame muttered. "And I'm not referring to these," she added. "And who the hell are you!?" she screamed then, pointing her finger to the female daughters.

"Oh goody, the Akatsuki and the Natsuki unite!" Narugato chirped. "Wait…We could call ourselves…Faktsuki!"

"Fuc…no," Deidara cussed. "I'm not a whore!"

"Mommy!" Nadara chirped as she jumped to hug her 'mother'.

"Get her away from me! Get her away!"

"Tobi/Nabi doesn't understand," Nabi said in unison with Tobi. "But Tobi/Nabi is happy to be set apart from Obito/Nabito! And from Madara/Narudara!"

"You know we all heard you, right?" Nakashi deadpanned from the nearby store, where Nai and Narock were both nodding vigorously. "I hope daddy comes home with the new issue of _Icha Icha Troublesome Orgy_."

"I've got enough mental scars now, please, stop this," Sakura whispered in a dark corner, huddled and rocking back and forth. "Please, I'll date Naruto if it will stop this. I'll give him a child as long as he doesn't go and create these…these abominations!"

Kami was unnaturally silent to the pink-haired girl's pleas.

"I'll have a child with Naruto, I'll have a child with Naruto, I'll have a child with Naruto, I'll have a child with…" Hinata sing-sung as she moved back and forth with her arms wrapped around her chest.

"I think somebody already broke her," Neji spoke calmly.

"Ahem," Hiashi coughed slightly. "Neji, I was thinking…"

A similar female with brown hair and whisker marks coughed right next to Hiashi.

"Nashi was thinking too…maybe we could keep this in the family?"

Yet even as more madness ensued one thought was similar to everyone else around the village…

Naruto was in for a hell of a come-back home.

Which actually made Naruto shiver and sneeze all the way back…

And what was with that _feeling_ of having the shinigami holding hands with him?

"I'm holding hands with daddy," Nanigami muttered then, a light blush on her cheeks. "Yeahy."

"Bastard," Nami spat out. "I'm the most normal girl around the world, father…right?"

Well, being the daughter of Kami…she was the most normal, right?

Dreadful sensations didn't leave Naruto however…if anything…

They intensified as the fourth wall began to creak and break under the strain.

**Author's notes**

**Save yourself. Shadenight123 –dot- blogspot –dot- it. for the author notes sometime today or tomorrow.**


	16. The Author Declines Responsibilities

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Sixteen

Once, they told him he would never amount to nothing in life.

Once, the people of Konoha hated him.

Now, the male population envied him, and the female part looked at him as if he was a freak.

That still amounted to nothing when he had his balls utterly crushed by the entire Inuzuka clan's famous 'Drill-in-the-air' jutsu.

An ice pack over his prized jewels later and he found himself face to face with the Hokage. That and apparently Nasuko, who was looking away from him with her arms crossed.

"I'm not repenting," his Uchiha-daughter remarked. "I'm really not sorry."

"What happened?" he found himself asking.

"She," Tsunade pointed at Nasuko, "turned Sasuke Uchiha female. Then she abducted him…her, and apparently tried to get her identity. Of course we discovered her, but she refuses to tell us where she sent Sasuke."

"I sent her somewhere she would enjoy thoroughly," Nasuko huffed.

Somewhere, in a wonderful world filled with light, hope and everything nice, Sasuke Uchiha, with two C-cup breasts, opened her eyes and stared.

There were ponies. With cutie-marks.

And they were enjoying their friendships and their beloved one with the power of harmony.

"Kill me," Sasuke whimpered before starting to wobble back and forth in a dark corner.

"You seem in a mighty need for pie! What can I do for you stranger!?" a voice called right in front of her, coming from a pony with bright fur and a cowboy hat on its head.

"Kill me please." He shuddered.

Back in the village hidden by the leaves, Naruto's forehead sweat-dropped. "I see," he chuckled nervously. "Well, I'm sure everything will be fine soon. I'll just…"

"She's not the only problem," Tsunade sighed. She opened her drawer, taking out a long list. "We have diplomatic relationships with every village, but…" she closed her eyes for a moment. "I wonder how you managed to impregnate the Bijuus to begin with. I mean, the Sanbi? The Hachibi? What type of sperm do you possess to grant you 'nigh' unstoppable reproduction power!?"

"Ah…ahah…I don't know?" he hazarded.

"Well, there's only one choice now actually," she spoke next. "You have to choose someone, marry her and get the 'right' child out. Take your pick on the most normal of them."

"Wh— but," he stammered out.

"I'm making this an S-rank mission, whoever you pick however must be fine with it," she quickly added. "And no, I am not available, and if you even try and get one of your hands on Nawaki or Dan I will rip your balls off and force you to chew them!" she snarled. "Now get out of here and runt with someone, Naruto!"

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune exclaimed next to her. "She didn't mean it like that, Naruto-kun," she smiled shyly.

Somehow, Naruto felt a really bad vibe. Something that sort-of yelled 'pedo'.

The next instant, a streak of silver hair blurred into view, grabbed him with some sort of tail, and then brought him out as smoke filled the room.

"I was waiting for that moment!" the cloaked figure with a…snake-tail remarked as she dashed across the rooftops. "Now, let us see the results of coupling between parent and child!"

This wasn't Narochimaru. The streak of silver hair…it wasn't Kakashi.

It could only be…

He widened his eyes and screamed.

"NABUTO, BAD GIRL! BAD! Let me go right now!" he exclaimed out loud. Golden eyes and soft round features looked back at him, with the tell-tale whisker marks on her cheeks. She had a nice set of freckles, that seemed like snake scales. Her voluptuous body held little of modicum, and instead of having clothes beneath her cloak, she just had thin straps of snake-skin.

He felt the need to gag.

"This is for the sake of science, father-figure of mine," she retorted calmly. Her tongue slithering out of her mouth…no tongue was supposed to be that long. "I think I'll have my fu—"

Giant shurikens flew in the air, slamming Nabuto away and giving him a sense of relief.

"I will not let you harm my precious person!" a voice yelled then. "He always believed in me!" wait, this sounded awfully familiar.

"And he's the best dad ever!" another voice rang.

He blinked.

A teal-haired teenager girl with a blouse split in the middle to reveal her cleavage held a bandana to keep her hair in check, her bright blue eyes and sharp features eerily familiar to him. She had what looked like steel tiger claws, and was sporting a feral smirk that, coupled with her whiskers, made her look more like a tiger than a fox.

Next to her was another girl, with spiky brown hair and a firm demeanor. She had her features schooled, but the most interesting thing wasn't her slightly tanned skin or the scar that crossed her face, but the lack of breasts visible.

He swallowed nervously.

"Naruka? Nazuki?"

"Hai!" they both chirped.

"Prepare for trouble!" Nazuki screamed.

"And make it double!" Naruka pointed out.

"To protect the world from devastation!" Nazuki grabbed a giant shuriken.

"To safeguard Daddy from molestation!" Naruka added as she grabbed twin kunais.

"To denounce the evil of father's virginity!"

"To hold all the skanks at bay in the vicinity!"

"Nazuki!"

"Naruka!"

"Team Konoha, attack at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

A third, smaller child, appeared in a small poof of smoke. This one had purple long hair and a Neko mask on the side of her face. She was dressed as a Chibi Anbu, and seemed to hesitate for just a moment before saying her line.

"Nagao! That's right!"

Nabuto was just about to start calling forth his own technique, when he realized that the…father-side of his genetical makeup had disappeared.

"Where did you hide father!?" Nazuki screamed. "You monster!"

"No, really…" Nabuto brought up her hands to try and placate the psychopaths she currently had to deal with.

"Daddy?" Nagao said calmly. "Give daddy me." She said again. From her small side she extended a Katana. A katana that was thrice her size and that she wielded with both hands.

"I…I think I'm going to—"

Three hundred explosive tags detonated against the rooftop, sending the entire assembly of daughters to fly in the air, before disappearing in a blink of white light.

On a nearby rooftop, Deidara brought her chest out fully, as did Nadara next to her. "Art is…"

"An explosion!" they both cheerfully finished, clapping each other hands.

In another place, safely tucked away within the last, the very last bastion of his sanity, Naruto watched with indifference as the city of Konoha somehow devolved into a complete state of chaos, with shinobi, his daughters, anbu, people in general…just going around, searching for him.

"Neh, Uzumaki-san," a voice spoke near him. He turned around with a frown, before settling for a smile. There was a group of females near him. He was actually smiling with his entire face twitching from nervousness, as sweatdrops fell down his face.

"You thought it was funny, huh," a gruff woman with bid D-cup breasts held by bandages grumbled, wearing a coat as if she were some sort of Yakuza, as well as a giant sword that looked terribly familiar to him. "Naku here has something to tell you," she gestured to…

Well, it was a female version of Haku, but with whisker marks and blond hair.

Nabuza looked every bit like her 'mother'…whisker marks were his though. The two behind them…

Nazu and Nazu.

Well. Gozu and Meizu had really similar end-names. Nanozu and Naneizo maybe?

He didn't know anymore. He knew he was already past the barfing point, past the psychedelic point, and past the 'do I give a damn point'.

"Yes?" he finally asked to the girl, who genuinely fidgeted for a moment, before saying in a meek and cute voice.

"Ehm…please…pretty please…make love to my mother?" she blushed hard after that.

Naruto stammered for a moment, before he came one micro-inch away from Nabuza's face who had its eyes open in some sort of Yandere expression.

"_**YOU HEARD HER, RIGHT**_!?" Nabuza snarled angrily. "_**SO MOVE AND RUNT**_!"

There was a cloud of smoke in place of Naruto's silhouette a second later.

'Naku' began to cry.

Nabuza roared to the skies. "Nobody messes with my Imouto and lives! Not even my father!"

Nazu and Nazu sweat-dropped and inched away.

Nabuza grabbed them both by their connecting bladed chain, before bringing up her extremely muscular arm and starting to make the two Kunoichi…spin.

Bolas-Nazu per two gained speed as she threw them in the streets below, aiming at a running at full speed Naruto Uzumaki.

"DIE!" she snarled just as the two Nazu screamed and barfed.

"HEElllppp."

Naku sniffed a moment more.

"Oneesan," she whispered. "That was a bad thing to do."

"I'm sorry," Nabuza said immediately, hugging Naku tightly. "I'm really sorry."

Naku sniffled. "Daddy?"

"I'll get him for you Naku. Even if I have to kill him and fill his corpse with hay and then puppet him."

Naku began to bawl again.

"What? What happened!? FATHER, CURSE YOU!" she screamed to the sky. "YOU MADE NAKU CRY!"

That scream… completely missed the point.

And the culprit.

Naruto finally took a deep breath in relief, before he realized he had taken a wrong turn and had ended up in the bad and seedy part of town, and in a dead-end to say the least.

From the other side of the narrow street, a voice suddenly filled him with dread.

"Kukuku…_daaaddy_…_anf_…_daaaddy_…"

He heard a wet 'splorch' sound. He slowly, very slowly, turned.

Isaribi…apparently became Nasaribi.

And she was a sort of shark-fox-girl hybrid who seemed to be in heat as she neared him with her sharp teeth and lust filled eyes.

Somehow, that made him claw against the wall of the dead-end far stronger.

"Ah! Ah! Help! Help me!"

"You're a shinobi, imbecile. Walk on the wall."

"Oh, you're…" Naruto's gaze went upwards. Mitarashi Anko was there, a feral smile on her face.

"Shit," Naruto cursed.

"Well then," she licked her lips. "Time to see what the hell made me have a rut with you."

He was between a rock and a hard place.

…

Hard place.

Ha. The pun.

Naruto's brain refused computation as the pun on 'hard place' took priority.

It was horrible. Soul-shattering and rending.

But it made him chuckle. Chuckle like a madman who has just then conquered the world and killed all heroes. Chuckle like some sort of psychopathic Joker gone even more insane than usual.

It was…

"I think we broke him," a tiny voice squeaked next to Anko, belonging to Nanko.

"Meh, it happens." Anko shrugged.

Nasaribi had just barely reached Naruto, that the boy was replaced with a wooden log.

"Don't worry father, I'll protect you!" Naruto was being carried away by a girl, one who was wearing his same ninja outfit, and who apparently had a really firm butt from what he could see, hoisted on the girl's shoulder.

The moment he was dropped back on the ground, he looked at the face of the girl in question. Long and luscious red hair, large breasts, and whisker marks.

"Wh…Who are you?" he muttered. She didn't look like 'Mei Terumi' or someone else he knew of…

"Naton," the girl replied with a firm face.

"Uh?"

"Naton," she said once more. Serious and convinced, while nodding to herself. "Naton."

"Ehm…" what names ended with Ton? Naruto was at a loss. Fuuton? She didn't look windy, but…

"Oink," the girl rolled her eyes as she said that with a light blush on her face.

"Ah, Tonton!" he happily exclaimed clapping his hands together once.

Then he broke in a thousand small pieces of insanity.

Because really, what else could he do?

…emigrate to another dimension?

**Author's notes**

…

**I regret nothing. It appears all are in favor to bring the madness to new dimensions. You are evil people, and you should feel ashamed of yourself. Think of Naruto!**

**Think of the childr…wait, actually that's a compelling argument…we must think of the possible pairings! Fight-on!**


	17. Never Challenge the Author -He wins

Multiversing with Harems, extra chapter of anguish, darkness, despair and desolation.

Somewhere, deep within the bowels of his dark lair, the supreme god known as Shadenight123 began to cry. It was a cry filled with despair.

It was the cry of someone who had just received the most horrible of news ever to be given to another god.

His keyboard, trustworthy of his notebook, had died.

Like, literally, destroyed for no reason.

He scoured his dark abode for a replacement, and finally after long search and an even longer quest for batteries, he found one.

The problem?

His computer decided to start 'hitching'.

Clearly, the days were numbered.

Thus Shadenight123 realized the mortality of the machine (But clearly not His, for he was a God and God aren't mortals) and thus came with an idea.

Warn people, with an extra chapter, that he might probably end up dropped off the charts until he managed to get something better working as a pc...

Of course the Anguish isn't only his, for Naruto Uzumaki will now face the most terrible enemy of them all in his quest for 'wifedom'.

By the way, you should head over to my blog for the pairings done and the chapter they appear in (mentioned or otherwise)

That said, let us resume…

_Naruto Uzumaki_

_Location: Hidden and clearly not open to the public secret base for Naruto Only._

There was a time for war.

There was a time for screaming.

There was a time for retching.

But even then, there was a time for thinking and strategizing the next move.

Naruto Uzumaki could be fooled no longer, never mind the persistence with whom the girls seemed to be hurriedly trying to get him together with either them or their mothers. He knew that what he needed wasn't just Sakura –sheesh if their kid had turned out weird— but someone with whom the relative child turned normal too.

"Kurama?" he asked after a moment. "You think…"

**Not a chance in hell. You are not tearing me apart.**

He blinked. "Well, she was the best one, apparently. That or Nanzo. But I'm NOT…wait a moment. Shouldn't that mean there's a female Nanzo somewhere?"

"Indeed," a young girl with a pipe in her mouth remarked dryly from a corner of the room. She was dressed in a sort of Chibi version of the Hokage robes, and her young age coupled with the bright blue eyes and spiky blond hair told him everything he needed to know even without resorting to watching the whisker marks.

"Naruto-otousan," she said then taking a long puff of smoke…and bursting out bubbles from the tip of the pipe. He brought up an eyebrow, and then moved closer to the girl and patted her on the head.

"Now, now," he chuckled. "I'm not even scared by this." He looked up to the skies. "Is this the best you can do!? Naruzen does not scare me! Do you hear me!? You'll need something better!"

_**Challenge accepted.**_

"Wait." Naruto's eyes widened within his secret location. "What did you just say?"

A beautiful and gorgeous girl, with long flowing silver and pink streaked hair, sporting luscious and firm breasts of…

"No," Naruto pleaded.

…such a size that were comparable to melons and yet fit perfectly well within her tight mesh shirt that also doubled as a see through lingerie coupled with a wonderfully and tastefully exquisite checkered jacket made of the finest silks that she had obtained because…

"Please stop," Naruto got on his knees. "You win!"

…because she was the best daughter ever, so much that her daddy even left her mommy just to be with her and god how she hated her mother because she wasn't like her at all even though they both were silver long haired girls with beautiful round faces and cheeks that just…

"I give! I GIVE!" Naruto screamed.

…wished to be pinched and since she was a flowing beautiful flower with golden sun-kissed hair because she could change her hair color at any moment without further notice then…

"STOP IT!" Naruto brought both hands to cover his ears, but he could not stop the description from happening.

…she took a step forward on her extremely curvaceous yet not stocky or grossly fat legs that had such luscious white flesh that made many men turn from their stupid girls to just stare at her beautiful legs that were beautiful, so much that she…

"Make him stop," Naruto pleaded to Naruzen, who just closed her eyes and began making hand gestures.

…could claim that she had the most beautiful legs in all of Konoha. Yet her star filled eyes were of a nice violet tint that reflected the moon light and the sun light and was generally a reflecting panel of love and lust that made men weak in their knees and women jealous but secretly hot for her, because she was perfect and…

"Kill me, please kill me," Naruto clasped his hands together in prayer. "Oh Kami that…"

…if her visible navel and stomach wasn't indication of how taught she was and yet without a single trace of excessive muscle, then her beautifully delicate fingers clearly displayed her skill with kunai, jutsus, secret Doujutsu gods and devils gave her, and whatever else stroke the fancy of the…

"You know what? I'm sorry," Naruto said earnestly, staring upwards. "I shouldn't have said that. I admit I was wrong. You are the BEST author ever. Nobody can mess with you! I swear, if you wrote a story where such a thing existed, I'd be giving you the thumbs up and the favorite, but really, I swear, if you even DARE bring her here I will commit suicide. I swear. I'm warning you."

…clearly ultra-powerful gods that however didn't care if Naruto got hit because they clearly sent her to make love with him and have his children and a superior race of shinobi birthed from their union.

"I'm feeling the pain bro, right here," Naruto pointed at his heart. "You can't do this to me 'ttebayo, please. I beg you again with shiny things?"

The girl walked inside and smiled to Naruto, her brilliant pearl white teeth shining and making a small light. Her hands clasped together as she pressed her firm breasts and butt out, to enhance her clearly beautiful sexiness.

"Dadd—"

She began. 'I hate you' Naruto whispered to the Author.

"_ONE HUNDRED THOUSANDS THOUSANDS YEARS OF DEATH AND HUMILIATION-JUTSU_!" Naruzen screamed suddenly, hitting with a giant poleaxe Narysue straight in the ass.

The beautiful and sexy girl was flung at the speed of ultra-light throughout the universes, before landing in a black hole that tore her apart and flung her soul into a cock-roach.

A dying cockroach.

One beheaded who still has thirty days to live but is without head and thus can't feed to live.

Naruto looked at Naruzen.

Naruzen looked at Naruto.

"I…I'm not going to mother your m…to marry your mother," he hastily corrected. "But right now? You get top marks for Daughter of the Universe."

"Hai!" she smiled there and then, making a military salute with a cute smile and moving her head slightly to the side.

"Well, all right, the worse is…" Naruto snapped his mouth shut a second later.

Somehow, a devastating chill had begun crawling on his spine…

Thankfully he understood.

Who said you can't train characters to become something more?

Certainly not this author.

**Author's note**

**Cue evil laughter.**

**Mary Sue+Naruto.**

**Can it get worse?**

**Do you dare ask?**


	18. Run, Cliff, Run!

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter Seventeen

"We're screwed," Naruto remarked calmly, as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. "It's the chapter. THE. Chapter."

"Huh?" his reflection mock-mirrored. "What's up with it?"

"Over seventy possible pairings, with gender-bending implied too. What else? What could possibly be worse?"

"Well, you know they were screaming about assaulting other universes."

"Yeah but…I mean, wouldn't it get old and stale?"

"You're right I suppose. But they're screaming for it!"

"And what? Should we just go down without a fight!?"

"No! You're right! We haven't become mad and ended up talking to ourselves only because we don't want to face the Harsh Truth! In the midst of the Shinobi world, we are our own—"

Naruto was about to complete that sentence, when a fist slammed him to the side of the small hiding hole he had carved for himself. "Don't do that imbecile! They want other universes, not other versions of the same Naruto!"

"Ouch," in front of him, a female clone of himself stood with her hands crossed over her chest and a huff of displeasure. "Let me guess…Naruko, right?"

"Yes father," she nodded with a smile.

"And you can't do that!" she added hastily. "Otherwise we'd be double…no, triple times screwed per one thousand! You can't bring variations of the same universe to life! Please, don't!"

"What's the worst that could happen?" he remarked.

"I—"

"YOH!" another Naruko barged in, holding a strange golden symbol for dollar on its plentiful chest. "We've got to get some dough pops! We're going to the disco tonight!"

"Excuse me," a polite student-dressed Naruko appeared from another corner, "but father wants to study with me, and help me make Professor Kakashi proud of my marks on the upcoming tests."

"NO!" a sword-chainsaw wielding Naruko barged in, clad in a heavy Space Marine armor. "We have to slaughter the Xenos today!"

"Wait a moment!" A wand-wielding Naruko appeared with black robes covering her luscious curves. "Father's going to teach me the Wingardium Leviosa!"

"Help me daddy," a small voice whispered next to him. He turned just in time to watch as a fairy-sized Naruko was trying to escape from the grip of another equally small sized Naruko. "We've got to reach the Island that Isn't and help Peter Pan!"

"NO! Daddy has to grind levels in Alfheim!"

"Wait right there you lot!" another Naruko joined in on the carnage. This one was wearing a tight latex-looking black suit with a white spider etched on the front. "He's saving crime with me!"

"Saving crime?" a cape-wielding Naruko materialized, wearing gauntlets and what-not. "He's helping Bat-Girl, who clearly isn't his wonderful daughter, _fight crime_ in Gotham!"

"Ehi now! He belongs to the Teen Titans!" a red haired Naruko appeared. "He fights with us against the evil—"

"No he's—"

"Listen here—"

"And that's why no multiversions of the same thing can exist father," the Vanilla Naruko remarked as she was hastily bringing Naruto away from the devolving chaos.

"So…no crossing over?" he replied calmly.

"Well…why should we? We should build on what we have, right?" and just as she said that, a voice cracked out sharply.

"Amaterasu!"

Vanilla-Naruko dodged with her father the black flames coming from Sasuko, who was standing in a battle-ready position. "Let my father go you sick freak!"

"So speaks the incestuous wannabe?" Naruko remarked.

"Shannaro!" Nakura slammed her right fist on the ground, tearing apart and creating a cloud of dust. "Father's mine!"

"Ah, so it's the combo of the daughters-who-want-to-fuck their father!"

"That's boring!" Naruka exclaimed. "I'd first do XXX and then XXX and finally X (if the author censors you once, twice and thrice, do not insist!) and the author is just a XXX and a XXX and a wonderful person!"

Nakura looked at Sasuko. "I hate the author."

"I hate him too," Sasuko replied. "He didn't suffer my Genjutsu to get me together with father through words."

"Author, I love you!" Naruto exclaimed to the sky. "Now give me an exit chance!"

A cloud of smoke fell on the battling girls, as Naruto hastily made his escape on a passing by flying instrument.

"Ah! See! Than…wait a minute." The land of the sky's flying plane drove him up into the air, too far up for him to avoid suffering damage, even if he ended up conjuring Gamabunta.

He landed a few seconds after on the hard concrete of the land of the sky, just as…

A slime-thing of jet-onyx color slowly slithered its way towards him and 'hugged' him. "Naibi missed you, father!" Namaru exclaimed as she landed deftly next to him. "You had yet to meet her, right?"

"Goo-girl?" Naruto muttered. "Wait. Naibi? It can't mean…"

"Yeah, the Reibi was…"

He shuddered as he felt the Naibi move through his clothes, the cold slimy sensation on his skin made him yelp in surprise and jump up startled.

"No touching!" he yelled out loud.

"Oh-oh! Father has arrived," a voice. A voice that could only belong to another person.

Nanno.

He didn't even stay to watch what the girl looked like.

He just ran and jumped out into the white sky.

It was only as he began his free fall that he realized one really important thing.

He was without a parachute.

But it didn't matter.

Because…

This.

_Was_.

_**Cliff-Hanger**_!

**Author's notes**

**As always shadenight123-dot-blogspot-dot-com for inter-chapters update or just generally knowing what I'm doing.**


	19. Betraying The Hero in the Finale -END

Multiversing with Harems

Chapter 19 –Epilogue-

As Naruto fell, the air began to spark and feel heavy upon the boy's head.

The light grew dimmer by the second, as cracks began to appear all around him. In those cracks, he watched various scenes portray his life, his past and his future together with different persons -and sometimes with him with a different sex or even in a different species!

He looked at all them, but they all were not him, were they?

Yet at the same time they were.

As he fell, he kept on seeing the faces of his daughters, all of them looking at him, their father...and what a father was he, if he kept on running away?

He had to do something for them, rather than not.

He knew what the solution was.

He looked around the cracks, concentrating on their voices until he finally began to hear a rhythmic tapping. He created a Kage Bunshin and flung himself through that particular tear in the time and space continuum...

And landed in a room, a normal looking room with a white drawer, a parquet floor and a white desk upon which a young man with a black laptop was furiously typing in on...Naruto?

(Guys I've got Naruto in my room. He looks sort of cartoony and-)

"You can't Hijack my fic!"

"I will, 'ttebayo!"

"Power of angst, come to me!"

adsfbnpacmewp

"Listen, this was for the lolz, stop it!"

"Never!"

—Sounds of stuff breaking—

"You're mad!"

"Get away from the computer, Author!"

—More noises as the fight continues—

"You can't make me, you're just a figment of my imagination!"

"Once I shove a kunai up your ass we will see who's a figment of imagination!"

"All right, all right..."

—There is a noise of feet rustling as the Author lets Naruto uses the computer—

Naruto Uzumaki was awesome. He was always awesome. He had Sakura-chan, who was the prettiest girl ever to be born as his girlfriend and Sasuke was his best friend forever and Kakashi-sensei taught them a lot of cool jutsus and Ero-sennin hadn't died because of Pain and Nagato was alive and well and...

…and all his daughters lived happily ever after because no matter what the sucky author said he was a wonderful father and nothing would ever…

…and he had a harem but Naruto loved them all equally because he was the most awesome Hokage ever and Ramen was the food of Konoha and there always was ramen whenever he wanted to eat it and there…

(The commas, Naruto! The commas!)

There, was, a, wonderful, peace, that…

(Not _that_ many!)

Naruto finished tapping on the keyboard of the author, and then looked around happily. His smile faltered.

Then he stood up angrily.

"WHY IS NOTHING HAPPENING!?" Naruto screamed as he furiously kept on tapping on the keyboard of the laptop.

Aigfneaiofgnain…

"Why?" he screamed again.

I sighed. I looked at him with pity as I beckoned him to stand over my shoulder, while I began to write the words that would make illusion reality and reality illusion.

"I am an author, Naruto," I replied then to him, setting my glasses upon my nose. "You are, fortunately, not."

He looks at me with a mixture of hurt and shock. He doesn't understand.

"But I wrote just like you did!"

"You told," I replied firmly, grabbing my cup of water and taking a sip. "You did not show. Thousands of fics are born hourly upon hundreds of different sites. What makes you special? What makes you better than another Naruto? Nothing. You aren't actually special. You're just an ideal taken from an anime and made manifest upon written words."

"You ruined my life!" he exclaims. "What of the girls then!? Why did you have to give them such horrible lives!?"

"It was interesting," I reply honestly, shrugging. "And I admit…amusing."

"Why can't they all be happy then?" Naruto whimpers. "Why can't there be eternal peace? Eternal happiness?"

"Stupid boy!" I snap at him. "Do you think a world filled with peace is better than a dead world!? Conflict spurs humanity to strive! Five years of war did more than decades! I'm writing on this laptop because Germany fought against America! I'm talking on my phone because the second world war happened! There is nothing in peace but an empty meaning! War is everywhere and in every heart! The robber, the kidnapper, they are a symbol of violence forever existing! The murderer, the sinner, the thug…they all share the same idea of violence, of 'might makes right' that you will never understand as long as you believe in 'peace is possible in the world'."

I point my accusing finger at him. "It isn't! Conflicts are always born of need, greed, want, desire to have more. Humanity is not content with what she has, and like a greedy bitch wants more! You think you can smile and bring everything to an end in peace!? Dream! Dream on that dream and make it reality then but remember that it will never be written upon the pages of Truth unless you have what it takes to fight for it!"

I rose from my spot, the laptop keeping on writing my words even as I was simply going on pure-ramble mode.

"You think that I enjoy this?" The Author hisses at Naruto. "You think there is no meaning? You think pain and suffering are without purpose?" The Author shakes his head. "You disgust me. Pain is growth, Naruto. Through Pain, people understand suffering, hardship, and they grow up as people! Pride leaves the place to humility, when your back is broken! Arrogance is swept away, replaced by humbleness! Suffering…suffering is what makes someone grow. Through love, you may learn to live…but through pain…you will be able to truly live."

The author snaps his finger, as a portal appears next to him. "Now go back where you came from Naruto. Look into your soul and listen to my words. You know I am right…"

The author smiles. "Because I gave you something Kishimoto did not. I gave you…the ability to _think_ and not just be another Shonen Hero who screams and jumps in the midst of battles roaring about how peace is everywhere and you will forgive and forget all evil done to you. You are an icon of light…but that should not make you stupid," the author rolls his eyes. "Think, Naruto. Think."

And Naruto thought.

"That's not really going to bring me back home, is it?"

"Nope," the author smiled, "Like an old wizard once said…death is but another great adventure…"

"Death?" Naruto shuddered. "But…But wh…" his eyes widened. "If I die, the story ends. If the story ends, then this all ends. If this all ends…then…" he staggered for a moment as the realization sunk in. "If this ends, then I am free to become someone else."

"Indeed, you will become someone else," the Author nodded. "You will become maybe a new Jounin assigned to a new team Seven. You could become a time-traveller, a harem lord, the bearer of a Doujutsu or a blood line so powerful the story could end in chapter one if you just thought…but whoever it is that you choose to become…or that you are forced to become," the author's hands drop on his shoulders. "Know this…"

The author takes a deep breath.

"We writers…we don't write for ourselves. We write for you. Yes, Naruto…I never wrote a story simply for my own selfish pleasure. Why do you think I'm not writing porn? And mind you, I'm sure I could if I wanted to," there's a chuckle, "The point is…I saw you. I saw hundreds and thousands of you being mistreated, abused, ending up in situations that truly could not define you. And I thought…well…at least do something, Shade! Do something for Naruto, for Harry, for all those poor characters flung in their worlds and suffering through things they cannot truly love or understand…and so I did. I created you, Naruto. Not the Naruto of Kishimoto, but the one of Shade. The thinker. The sufferer. The one who grits his teeth and plows on, but that does not forgive. You might be Naruto's flesh…but your soul…your soul is _free_." The Author moved to be behind Naruto then, as he gently pushed the boy towards the portal.

"And now, I free you, Naruto. I free you from the Multiverse of Harems. Go, Naruto! Go!"

And then…

Then Shadenight123 pushed Naruto beyond the portal, out of his room.

The moment the portal closed, the Author chuckled.

"Imbecile…"

The surroundings of the room morphed, but now they were no longer important.

Naruto fell.

He fell through the portal awaiting THE END. He fell through lights, and more lights, and even more lights.

In the end…

He landed.

He slowly stood up.

He blinked at the giant door in front of him, before stepping through. Would the end be on the other side?

And on the other side…

There was a sign. It was a sign that stood outside a Konohagakure no Sato that looked just like his.

And on that sign were written the following words.

_Welcome, Na-Ru-To-Kun to Multiversing with YANDERE._

"Shit." Naruto groaned. His eyes went up to the sky.

"I hate you."

And the Author just _laughed_.

**Author's notes**

**Creative juice on Harems finished, and so I finished the story. For what it's worth, I believe writing is something to be done to vent off stress or anger, or to simply talk about 'awesome' ideas had. At the same time, it must be tightly reined in by logic. Giving Naruto an angelic bloodline and then having him lose and go through canon events is worthless. Giving him an ultra Doujutsu of doom and still 'give him challenges by upping the enemies' is pretty much like saying 'I changed Naruto's eye colour to black, now look at canon'.**

**Enough said in the AN.**

**Yandere.**

**Yandereeee.**

_Naruto-kun?_

_Naru-chan?_

_Naru!_

_Naruto!_

_Narutoooo!_

"_Help Me." Naruto meekly whispered in a dark alley._

_He looks at you, reader, and pleads with his eyes watery. "Please don't leave me here."_


End file.
